Back to my old blog!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Dear Blog,
I've been meaning to write for so many days now but always find myself doing other things and finishing new projects. I apologize for neglecting you. I know I've also said this many-a-times, but this time I really feel like I'll stand by my word. I plan to post again. Frequently. Or at the very least, once a week when college is in session. There are so many things to update you on, such as last semester, my boring vacation, new hobbies, and most importantly, finally figuring myself out - major-wise. Well, I hope I've finally figured myself out.
Blog, I know I said I wouldn't change locations two posts ago, but after my realization, I really do feel like I need some change. Not too much change though. I'm thinking of just moving back to my old blog - the one before you. You see, I feel like this blog resembles me when I was "lost" and without a clue of what to do with my life. But now that I'm pretty sure of what career path I'd like to take on, I feel the need to move back to where I felt more complete, more myself. I know this might not make much sense seeing as I knew less of myself then compared to how much I know about myself now, but I guess the whole name thing plays a role in it too. Moving back to my old blog makes me feel less like "some college student" and more like an individual... And I think that's what I need to kick start my newly discovered self.
Blog, I know I said I wouldn't change locations two posts ago, but after my realization, I really do feel like I need some change. Not too much change though. I'm thinking of just moving back to my old blog - the one before you. You see, I feel like this blog resembles me when I was "lost" and without a clue of what to do with my life. But now that I'm pretty sure of what career path I'd like to take on, I feel the need to move back to where I felt more complete, more myself. I know this might not make much sense seeing as I knew less of myself then compared to how much I know about myself now, but I guess the whole name thing plays a role in it too. Moving back to my old blog makes me feel less like "some college student" and more like an individual... And I think that's what I need to kick start my newly discovered self.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Change.
I thought about creating a new blog for the past couple days... but in the midst of writing this post, I changed my mind. Sticking with this blog shows me how much I'm learning about myself and how much I'm changing through my college days. I guess this just calls for a layout change then. Not now, but soon. :)
Friday, December 31, 2010
I need new friends.
This current winter vacation has by far been the most boring vacation I've ever had. To start it off, I've been sick all this time (mainly just excessive phlegm in the morning, but sick nonetheless). I also haven't really gone out at all. I'd say I went out 3 times... and two weeks have passed. How sad is that?
My thing is that I only hang out with close friends. I don't really socialize with anyone else but the two that I have. And needless to say, they're preoccupied with girls or work.
The problem I've realized about myself is that I don't express myself. All this time, throughout my 19 years of living, I wanted to be seen as the independent girl who could take care of herself - no help needed. I kept my emotions to myself, filtered my words to prevent judgment, strove to remain neutral in discussions, etc. I thought this was the way people should present themselves, but I can now see that it's not. Living and thinking this way has only made me boring. I was watching some show earlier today, or possibly a few days ago, and someone said "people like feeling needed." Now, I've heard this saying many times before, but I guess I never took it to heart. It took me all this time to realize that I didn't make people feel needed. I was always just there. I never called someone in tears. I never called someone to tell them of a heartbreak, or of a new romance. I never called you. My problem is that I'm too conserved. I don't share the kodak moments of my life, or any part of it really. I've bottled myself up for too long and I think its time for me to let go.
My thing is that I only hang out with close friends. I don't really socialize with anyone else but the two that I have. And needless to say, they're preoccupied with girls or work.
The problem I've realized about myself is that I don't express myself. All this time, throughout my 19 years of living, I wanted to be seen as the independent girl who could take care of herself - no help needed. I kept my emotions to myself, filtered my words to prevent judgment, strove to remain neutral in discussions, etc. I thought this was the way people should present themselves, but I can now see that it's not. Living and thinking this way has only made me boring. I was watching some show earlier today, or possibly a few days ago, and someone said "people like feeling needed." Now, I've heard this saying many times before, but I guess I never took it to heart. It took me all this time to realize that I didn't make people feel needed. I was always just there. I never called someone in tears. I never called someone to tell them of a heartbreak, or of a new romance. I never called you. My problem is that I'm too conserved. I don't share the kodak moments of my life, or any part of it really. I've bottled myself up for too long and I think its time for me to let go.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Two steps forward, one step back.
Once again, I feel lost. About two weeks ago, I could honestly say I was set on majoring in kinesiology, nutrition, or public health. It didn't take much for me to change my mind once again.
What happened? Anatomy and Physiology. I got my third exam grade back Thanksgiving weekend, and needless to say, it was horrible. It was way worse than I expected. In fact, I expected my grade to be a lot better. I actually remember walking out of the exam room thinking I did fine. I guess I didn't. The thing is that that's not the only exam I did bad on. So far, my exam grades have been 84, 64, and 60. I only have one more exam for this class, which is the final, and I'm not sure how well I'm going to do. The problem is that this is my first exam on exam week. It's actually scheduled on the earliest time slot available, Monday at 8am. I mean, I'm definitely going to try my hardest to study a ton and ace it, but after calculating my possible grade for the class, the highest I can get is a C... With the huge possibility of getting a D.
I'm just not sure what to do. I can always take the class over to replace that grade, but am I still even interested in Kin? Should I try nutrition out? I don't know if I'm ever going to be sure of myself when I go through classes this way. I need to find my big picture and work my way down... or else I'll be stuck here forever.
What happened? Anatomy and Physiology. I got my third exam grade back Thanksgiving weekend, and needless to say, it was horrible. It was way worse than I expected. In fact, I expected my grade to be a lot better. I actually remember walking out of the exam room thinking I did fine. I guess I didn't. The thing is that that's not the only exam I did bad on. So far, my exam grades have been 84, 64, and 60. I only have one more exam for this class, which is the final, and I'm not sure how well I'm going to do. The problem is that this is my first exam on exam week. It's actually scheduled on the earliest time slot available, Monday at 8am. I mean, I'm definitely going to try my hardest to study a ton and ace it, but after calculating my possible grade for the class, the highest I can get is a C... With the huge possibility of getting a D.
I'm just not sure what to do. I can always take the class over to replace that grade, but am I still even interested in Kin? Should I try nutrition out? I don't know if I'm ever going to be sure of myself when I go through classes this way. I need to find my big picture and work my way down... or else I'll be stuck here forever.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
I suck at this.
I've become really bad with this whole blogging thing. It used to be a daily activity of mine, but is now more of a monthly thing. I guess school has just gotten to me. I'm still constantly doing work or studying. It could also be the fact that I, interestingly enough, no longer feel the need to blog. It might also be because I'm beginning to call people and talk my problems and feelings out to someone when I need to. It feels great realizing that because I never used to verbalize my feelings and emotions, or problems going on in my life. Life's a lot better this way.
On another note, I'm finally back in Boston for Thanksgiving and I can say I'm quite ready to go back. It's not because I'm sick of Boston or the people here, but because I've really come to believe that I have eating problems when I'm home. Why? Because my mom makes too much food, there's too many snacks lying around, and I just have nothing else to do! I mean, I was alright in the summer because I was able to go outside and run everything off, but now it's a lot colder and I just can't find the guts to run out in such weather. It's really a problem. I feel sick to my stomach each time I eat. Also, another reason for my binge eating is because I become so dehydrated here. My parents tend to boil water before consuming it, so I've just become accustom to that at home. If I were anywhere else, I wouldn't mind if it was boiled, filtered, or straight from the tap. I just tend to drink water quicker than it is boiled and cooled that I end up having no more water to drink, and an increased appetite due to dehydration. Anyways, this has been an ongoing internal battle for quite some time now. I find that the key is to just kick myself out of the house and keep busy.
Along with that tidbit of information about myself, I also have an update on my love life. Adam, my "random encounters" man did end up having a thing for me. How did I figure that out? Because he tried to kiss me. Did I let him? Nope. Why? Because of Jamie. Long story short, Adam left one weekend, which just so happens was the weekend I hooked up with my neighbor two doors down from me. It just didn't feel right to kiss one guy after hooking up with another two days before. Anyways, I think the whole Adam thing is over because I'm assuming he got back together with his ex-girlfriend, seeing how he hasn't visited me in approximately a week (unlike he used to when he'd visit at least once every two or three days). I think that's fine with me though, seeing as every part of me told me I had stronger feelings for Jamie. The odd thing is that I'm quite sure things won't really work out with Jamie and I. Well, I'm sure they can, but I just feel like they won't. He's just a bit crazy for me. And "crazy's" probably not the right word, but he is just very much like a free spirit. He allows himself the ability to just drop everything and leave. He even said it upfront to me that he plans on leaving for California on a blank slate, or in other words, single, which is what I assumed he'd be doing regardless of whether he told me or not... And to be honest, I was pretty okay with that. I didn't want to rush into anything seeing as we barely knew one another. But what really confused me was this one time he told me he was a bit jealous of something subtle this other guy did to me, which made me question how much he really liked me. He's just really confusing, as is the situation he's putting us in. Is it odd that typing all this makes me want to stray away from this relationship though? Or, it could also be my sleepiness kicking in. Anyways, farewell for now and goodnight.
On another note, I'm finally back in Boston for Thanksgiving and I can say I'm quite ready to go back. It's not because I'm sick of Boston or the people here, but because I've really come to believe that I have eating problems when I'm home. Why? Because my mom makes too much food, there's too many snacks lying around, and I just have nothing else to do! I mean, I was alright in the summer because I was able to go outside and run everything off, but now it's a lot colder and I just can't find the guts to run out in such weather. It's really a problem. I feel sick to my stomach each time I eat. Also, another reason for my binge eating is because I become so dehydrated here. My parents tend to boil water before consuming it, so I've just become accustom to that at home. If I were anywhere else, I wouldn't mind if it was boiled, filtered, or straight from the tap. I just tend to drink water quicker than it is boiled and cooled that I end up having no more water to drink, and an increased appetite due to dehydration. Anyways, this has been an ongoing internal battle for quite some time now. I find that the key is to just kick myself out of the house and keep busy.
Along with that tidbit of information about myself, I also have an update on my love life. Adam, my "random encounters" man did end up having a thing for me. How did I figure that out? Because he tried to kiss me. Did I let him? Nope. Why? Because of Jamie. Long story short, Adam left one weekend, which just so happens was the weekend I hooked up with my neighbor two doors down from me. It just didn't feel right to kiss one guy after hooking up with another two days before. Anyways, I think the whole Adam thing is over because I'm assuming he got back together with his ex-girlfriend, seeing how he hasn't visited me in approximately a week (unlike he used to when he'd visit at least once every two or three days). I think that's fine with me though, seeing as every part of me told me I had stronger feelings for Jamie. The odd thing is that I'm quite sure things won't really work out with Jamie and I. Well, I'm sure they can, but I just feel like they won't. He's just a bit crazy for me. And "crazy's" probably not the right word, but he is just very much like a free spirit. He allows himself the ability to just drop everything and leave. He even said it upfront to me that he plans on leaving for California on a blank slate, or in other words, single, which is what I assumed he'd be doing regardless of whether he told me or not... And to be honest, I was pretty okay with that. I didn't want to rush into anything seeing as we barely knew one another. But what really confused me was this one time he told me he was a bit jealous of something subtle this other guy did to me, which made me question how much he really liked me. He's just really confusing, as is the situation he's putting us in. Is it odd that typing all this makes me want to stray away from this relationship though? Or, it could also be my sleepiness kicking in. Anyways, farewell for now and goodnight.
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