I need new friends.

This current winter vacation has by far been the most boring vacation I've ever had. To start it off, I've been sick all this time (mainly just excessive phlegm in the morning, but sick nonetheless). I also haven't really gone out at all. I'd say I went out 3 times... and two weeks have passed. How sad is that?

My thing is that I only hang out with close friends. I don't really socialize with anyone else but the two that I have. And needless to say, they're preoccupied with girls or work.

The problem I've realized about myself is that I don't express myself. All this time, throughout my 19 years of living, I wanted to be seen as the independent girl who could take care of herself - no help needed. I kept my emotions to myself, filtered my words to prevent judgment, strove to remain neutral in discussions, etc. I thought this was the way people should present themselves, but I can now see that it's not. Living and thinking this way has only made me boring. I was watching some show earlier today, or possibly a few days ago, and someone said "people like feeling needed." Now, I've heard this saying many times before, but I guess I never took it to heart. It took me all this time to realize that I didn't make people feel needed. I was always just there. I never called someone in tears. I never called someone to tell them of a heartbreak, or of a new romance. I never called you. My problem is that I'm too conserved. I don't share the kodak moments of my life, or any part of it really. I've bottled myself up for too long and I think its time for me to let go.

Two steps forward, one step back.

Once again, I feel lost. About two weeks ago, I could honestly say I was set on majoring in kinesiology, nutrition, or public health. It didn't take much for me to change my mind once again.

What happened? Anatomy and Physiology. I got my third exam grade back Thanksgiving weekend, and needless to say, it was horrible. It was way worse than I expected. In fact, I expected my grade to be a lot better. I actually remember walking out of the exam room thinking I did fine. I guess I didn't. The thing is that that's not the only exam I did bad on. So far, my exam grades have been 84, 64, and 60. I only have one more exam for this class, which is the final, and I'm not sure how well I'm going to do. The problem is that this is my first exam on exam week. It's actually scheduled on the earliest time slot available, Monday at 8am. I mean, I'm definitely going to try my hardest to study a ton and ace it, but after calculating my possible grade for the class, the highest I can get is a C... With the huge possibility of getting a D.

I'm just not sure what to do. I can always take the class over to replace that grade, but am I still even interested in Kin? Should I try nutrition out? I don't know if I'm ever going to be sure of myself when I go through classes this way. I need to find my big picture and work my way down... or else I'll be stuck here forever.