Home.

I don't have much time to myself. Well, I guess I've been spending a lot of time by myself; I just haven't been using it for myself.

This semester has been so hectic for me. I've never had so many exams in my lifetime. I've had at least one every week since the 22nd of September, and along with that, I have a quiz every week as well. The crazy thing is that I'm only taking four classes, whereas I usually take five. I guess that's just what happens when you decide on a major.

But besides me complaining about my hectic classes, I know you've been waiting to hear about my love life - since I'm always talking about the many men that take part in my life. As of now, there's no one I'm dating or really talking to. I mean, there was this guy I met in Jersey when I went with Maddie back home, but it didn't take me too long to realize we were living in two separate worlds. Our outlooks on life were just too different. Other than him, I haven't really met anyone else - unless you consider this guy I bump into randomly and quite frequently a possible love interest. I do, however, believe he has a girlfriend, which means he's off the market. Anyways, he looks and seems really sweet. And I don't know if this is only my outlook on the two of us, but it seems as if we're always so captivated with one another when we do bump into each other. Our random relationship is quite interesting. It was only yesterday that we finally introduced ourselves after weeks of random encounters. I wonder what will become of us.

And speaking of men, my Anatomy and Physiology Lab TA is so cute! I'd die if something were to happen between the two of us. He just seems so smart and approachable! But I highly doubt any romantic relationship would become of us because of the whole age difference thing. He's probably also taken because... come on. Who wouldn't want him? Oh, I need a miracle! Haha.

Anyways, I've come to terms with Baker for quite some time now. I really like it here. The people are nice, the place is calm, and there's just so many people you can meet. But even though I do like it here, I can honestly say that I miss home/Boston. I was walking back to my dorm a while back and overheard someone saying how they love it here, but they're tired of it. And it's not because Amherst can be rowdy or anything, but it's simply because of home, because of family. And I understood her. I miss my mom, my dad, and my brother. I miss slouching on my couch and watching countless hours of television. Home... it's so calming.

Lost.

There have been so many times that I've found myself wanting to blog about everything going on in my life. I've just been too consumed with school, exams, my social life, homework, etc. And when I'm not doing any of those things, I try to read or just relax.

Lately, as in pretty much these past two days or so, I haven't really been able to hold myself together. Well, I guess I appear to be alive and well, but inside, my mind is going on these crazy tangents.

Once again, I find myself lost in this vast world. I should be used to this by now, but I'm not. I'm questioning what I want to do with my life - which road I should take. Should I do something in kinesiology, or nutrition? Or, should I just trash both ideas and pursue something in art, design, or even something in the culinary field?

Not only am I mind boggled by my future career, but I'm also at a loss for romance. I'm starting to think I'm too picky. But at the same time, do I deserve anything less than what I'm looking for now? I think they're already low enough. In fact, I feel like my standards should be increasing even more with age.

There's so many things I know I want to say, but I no longer find this time to be the right anymore. There's so many things I feel like saying and are almost condemned to say, but I just don't know how to approach them. I feel so open and free, but at the same time so closed and restricted. I sort of feel alone. I mean, I know I have people I can talk to, but I just can't bring myself to do so. I just don't know...