The Good Life.

What's motivated me to write this post was a conversation I had with Toren last night. I asked him what he'd do with a degree in Public Health. He had no definite answer. Instead, he explained to me why he chose Public Health over Kinesiology; "because I want to graduate in time." The second he said that was the second I realized how much my perspective on college, and education in general has changed.

I remember very clearly something Nemat told me once before - that college students have great lives. I've finally come to terms with that. As students, we pretty much just live to learn and play. This is the time in our lives where we have complete control with everything we do. We decide when we want to have classes, when we wake up, when we have days off, the clubs we join, whether or not we want a job, and pretty much what we want to eat. I can't think of much we don't have control over.

Why Toren's words struck me so hard was because he basically chose his career path due to his inability to graduate in four years. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I just found his logic to be so idiotic! Why on earth would you pick a direction to lead your life in without knowing where it can take you, while you know very well the destination of the other? And to make his decision sound even more idiotic, he also knows he wants to do Kinesiology! He knows his heart's in it. That's what phases me the most - he knows what he wants, but he seems to have such a great fear of sticking UMass out for another year that it's holding him back.

Anyways, I'm going to finally go inside the library (I'm currently sitting outside and soaking in the sun) and do some work. Au revior! Tu me manques. French class is going very well so far. :)

Baker

Something's not right. My UMass spirit is dwindling. I don't know what it is exactly, but I don't feel at home like I did in Van Meter. I guess I still love UMass and everything, but something just seems to be missing. It might not even necessarily be this dorm. It might just be me. I feel out of place. I haven't even been in the mood to meet people or socialize. Maybe I'm just going through one of my semi-depressive/antisocial states. At least, I hope this is the case so I can get over it and come to love UMass again...

Another reason making me fall out of love with UMass might also be peoples longing to make and become friends with everyone else. People seem to try too hard or act too cool. Toren brought that up about his roommate, and I guess it made me realize that that's how my dorm seems to be like. I guess I'm just not interested in becoming friends with people who care more about partying than they do their college education. I'm starting once again to become someone solely focused on academics and self improvement. I know it sounds selfish, and a little dumb on the whole "networking" aspect, but I just feel like hanging out and becoming "friends" with people I won't stay close with or ever be close with is a waste of my time. I can be joining clubs, studying my ass off for kinesiology, or hanging out with the ones I already love...

But I understand. This is only the second day of classes (my first). I shouldn't be so standoffish. Let's just hope these days get better. Wish me luck!

Moleskine

About two years ago, Henry gave me this Moleskine notebook for a reason I don't quite remember. I haven't used it due to the fact that Moleskine's are the greatest notebooks of all time and I didn't want to risk ruining it. However, I can finally say I'm ready to dabble with it. I've decided that for each page I use, I will draw, doodle, or write until I feel that that page is complete. Maybe I'll even post them here for you to see. :)

I think this is a great place to start though... or continue and expand on my neglected creativity.

1st Place.

I know I'm going to look back at this a few years from now and wonder "What if..." I don't know how I should feel about that, and more importantly, I don't know what to do...

Amherst draws near.

I know this may sound redundant since I just wrote a post about it, but I felt the need to elaborate.

Boston makes me feel depressed. I don't know the exact reason why, but I feel like it has something to do with everything that goes on around here. There's already a lot of things going on in my life - in our lives - but to top it all off, even when we don't want to think those things, we can't. We live in a world too consumed with everything. There's never really a dull moment when you can sit, and truly feel the calm breeze.

That's what I miss about Amherst. It's even through those tough, sleepless nights during finals that I can still relax and not over stress about anything. It's thanks to the wonders of mother nature that I can truly take a break from school, from people, and the stress life brings to us. Realizing this has made me wonder where I'll end up later on in my life. Will I go back to being a city girl and raise my future kids here? Or will I move to the suburbs where even hectic, tiresome days can miraculously feel like vacations?

There's so much life has to offer... Sometimes I wish it'd just give us less options so we wouldn't have to think about these things. But I guess I'll just stick to the suburbs now. I live there more than I do at home anyways. Plus, I don't ever seem to get sick of it. Oh, Amherst... I can't wait to see you again.

Cities make me feel...

Aqualung - Strange and Beautiful (I'll Put a Spell On You)

I've been watching your world from afar.
I've been trying to be where you are,
And I've been secretly falling apart - unseen.
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful.
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see.
You turn every head but you don't see me.

...this way.

Take me back to the 'burbs.

Sex in an Anthropogenic View.

People say humans are the only animals/mammals to have sex for pleasure, but is that really true?

It is scientific fact that all living creatures live to bear children, pass on their traits, etc. So why is it that us humans are looked upon as sexual deviants?

It is not because we are, but because it is frowned upon to bear children at the start of puberty. Years ago, it was, in fact, accepted and pretty much expected to be wed and pregnant by the age of 13. Theoretically speaking, there is nothing wrong with that. Once we hit our pubescent ways, our bodies are telling us it's ready to mate and have children. Say, if we were to throw one man and one woman who have never been influenced by anything in their lifetime, they'd probably become sexually intimate as soon as they'd get the drive to. It wouldn't have anything to do with desire, but instead, our bodies telling us to mate. If it weren't for marriage, love, and all the romance we've grown a longing for, people all over the world would be mating like rabbits.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is what some people have been saying all along - that sex isn't necessarily something we do just because we want pleasure, but because it is a natural part of life. Society just tends to look at it as an abuse of pleasure due to our current need to develop ourselves mentally before physically or sexually.

Note: This is just one of the many random thoughts I get before going to bed. I am so thankful to have this BlackBerry so I can blog as my thoughts form. :)

P.S. Sorry if I didn't happen to make any sense! That's what I get when I blog at this hour in real-time. Goognight!

I am shallow.

I never thought I'd say this about myself, but I'm a shallow person.

It hit me a few minutes ago when I was thinking about my love interests. I didn't mention this in my last post, but there's a guy I'm interested in who has a quality I've been looking for for quite some time now; he cares about health and physical wellbeing. Now, I know many guys and people in general care about their health and whatnot, but this guy's different. He takes it to a whole new level. Not only does he surpass this characteristic I'd like my companion to have, but he seems to be a genuine, good guy.

There just happens to be one thing about him that somewhat pushes me away. I won't allow myself to say it though. It was definitely something that never should've crossed my mind but only did because I compared him to someone else. Anyways, I'm also thinking I may be feeling this way because I don't know him well enough at the moment. I'm actually quite sure that once we get to know one another better, I'd easily look past it.

P.S. Forgive the appearance of this post and all future posts in this same format. I'm just blogging through my phone, and it just so happens to publish these posts in this format. I'll fix it once I hop onto a computer though!
P.P.S. Mobile blogging makes my life so much easlier. :) Also, T-Mobile has upgraded T-zones! Now I can check my email and do a ton of other new awesome things through this phone! I'm not sure if I have to pay for it though... I hope not! They haven't charged me for anything just yet.
P.P.P.S. Good night!