Little things.

They always get to me. As much as I try to get over Dave or tell myself that I am over him, his presence alone is just so hard to deny.

Over this past month, I've come to realize that I'm fooling no one but myself. Yes, he may have had feelings for me, or exhibited what seemed like feelings, but they mean nothing to him now - nothing strong enough for him to act upon. He probably looks at me as nothing more than a friend, while I do the complete opposite. It's just wrong. It's wrong on my part. I guess I've just realized he's not doing anything I wouldn't do, or haven't done. I just have to take everything he throws at me, and view it from a friends point of view rather than a lovers' - friendly hugs, friendly walks, friendly kisses on the cheek, etc. I mean, I do the same things to guys I adore but not necessarily like. Maybe that's what I am to him.

It's funny when the tables are turned and I get a taste of my own medicine...

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On another note, here's one from my beloved's.

Ferraby Lionheart
Catch the Brass Ring
Vermont Avenue

Lovely.

I had such a fantastic night last night. It was wonderful - somewhat magical, even. It was fun, romantic, refreshing, exciting, new, everything. It was one of those nights you'd wish never ended. I had butterflies the entire time, and I don't think I've gotten them for quite some time now. But even with such a great night, a part of me still feels uneasy about everything. I think I'm just questioning where the road would take us.

However, those butterflies are still with me. I actually woke up with the remembrance of his scent. I miss it.

This one song lingers with me tonight...

Gavin DeGraw

Chariot

Follow Through

So, since you want to be with me,
You'll have to follow through,
With every word you say.
And I, all I really want is you,
You to stick around.
I'll see you everyday,
But you have to follow through.
You have to follow through.

Sex Appeal.

It took me a while to realize this, but I've come to believe it's the glue that holds relationships together - and all it took was one bad kiss.

So I won't give this guy a name, but all you really have to know is that he's one bad kisser. My first impression of him was, obviously, his physical appearance. He was quite a good looking man, and fit. He also had a sweetheart look to him, which is something I do find attractive. And to top it all off, he was a sweetheart. He was very caring, didn't take advantage of me when I was very tipsy (practically drunk) or alone with him, and he was also adventurous. In fact, he wanted to take me out on a date, which let me tell you, wasn't the typical movie and dinner, but mini golfing or batting! Now I don't know about you, but I've never heard of a man who mentioned mini golfing or batting before he mentioned a movie and dinner. On the other hand, maybe I'm just young and all the men I've ever dated were unemployed and practically broke. Haha.

Anyways, to sum it all up, he was basically one of those guys you could bring home to your mother - even to an Asian person's mother; my mother! But even with all his fantastic qualities, what always cut it was his lack of sex appeal. I hate to say it, but every time we kissed, my desire for him completely diminished. Is that why some people find the need to open their eyes when they make out with someone? So if the person they're kissing is a bad kisser, they can look at their physical beauty? I don't know, but it just sucks knowing how kissing makes it or breaks it in relationships. Studies actually show that "59% of men and 66% of women reported on occasion finding themselves attracted to someone, only to lose interest after kissing them for the first time" (Hooper). That's a huge percentage for something so seemingly small.

I guess the only reason why I'm really talking about this is because I tend to think about him from time to time, only to remember how little of a connection I felt due to his kiss. It's sad how someone could have so much, but all that can turn into nothing because of something so small.

Maybe it's just me, but I do think we as a society, have taken love and attraction to a whole new level. People never used to think this way...

Wouldn't change a thing.

If I had a chance for another try,
I wouldn't change a thing
It's made me all of who I am inside
And if I could thank God
That I am here, and that I am alive
And everyday I wake
I tell myself a little harmless lie
The whole wide world is mine.

Angels & Airwaves

Rite of Spring

Everyone should feel this way about life.

Cheers.

I've grown to really like them. They tend to be fun, relaxing, and just overall enjoyable. I have to admit though, that it is because I started drinking. Yes, I had fun when I didn't drink, but partaking in the festivities does actually make it all the better. However, it's not because I get drunk or anything. It's because I feel more integrated with everyone. I can now play beer pong without having to find a parter who would drink for me. I can share drinks with my partner instead of basically forcing him/her to take them for me. We can also make celebratory "cheers." All in all, it does come back down to integration. I know people accept me whether I drink or not, but it's all about personal comfort. I drink when I feel like it. Most importantly, I drink when I'm having fun - not to have fun. I think people forget that all too often. Drinking has become such a norm that people think it correlates to fun when it doesn't. Not all the time, at least. There's a reason why alcohol companies plaster their beverages with "drink responsibly." Sadly, it's not always taken seriously.

The Chase.

I'm not really sure what to write about at the moment. I feel like I can't say much about my feelings other than I'm not sure what I'm doing - about this boy, I mean. Haha. I'm confused. I'm not sure if it would be good for me to make a move. I'm not sure if he's ready for this or if he's matured to some extent. I'm not sure if I'm really what he wants.

I guess what I'm really trying to say is that I don't want to do all the chasing. I think I owe it to myself to be chased after. They tend to be the guys women stick with in the long run - those who work their butts off to get a woman. I think it'll also give him the opportunity to make a move and gain confidence...

Tattoos.

1. Something to commemorate my uncle: An ankle sock?
2. An anchor - Need to do more research on the history of tattoos.
3. Daisy