Good Day.

It was gorgeous out today. It felt like a nice summer day. Actually, it felt like a perfect day. Not too hot, not too cold. A buttoned down flannel over a tank top was all you needed.
As I mentioned before, I went to Y.E.S. today/yesterday. To my surprise, Dave came shortly before I was going to leave. As always, it was wonderful to see him. We hugged, and then he lead me over to the art gallery where we talked for a bit. It was nice... and unbelievable how much he made me smile. I just couldn't stop. He also showed me his new bike. He's in love with it. It's his baby. I wonder if there's anything that means more to him than that bike - if he'd give his bike up for anything. He was talking about how he almost fell flat on his face when he was riding it the other day and what the first thing he checked when he picked himself up wasn't himself, but his bike. Haha. Typical Dave and his materialistic items. It's a problem. Anyways, I told him I had to leave to go to the Post Office to mail my financial aid papers and he ended up walking me there. It was a nice walk - funny. I didn't have an exact idea where the Post Office was and almost walked into the wrong building, making a complete fool out of myself... haha. We had a good laugh.

Also, before leaving Y.E.S., we asked one another about our plans for the night and tomorrow. He said he was free and I told him how I'm going to this Open Mic Night thing at Northeastern (tomorrow) and asked if he could join me. Seeing as he's Dave and I'm me, there's no way I can say no. I'd kill for any moment to hang out with him. I know I sound desperate for him, but I'm not... It's weird. I think it's just because I know that there's this instant connection I get from him and there's no way I can control it. As hard as I try to fight it, it doesn't let loose. Anyways, my point to bring that up was to say that I'm finally going to really hang out with him once again outside Y.E.S. If you haven't noticed yet, this rarely happens.

So... we finally get to the Post Office, and see that the line is pretty long. I tell him it's okay for him to leave since Y.E.S. closes at six and his friend is there (I think), but he insists on staying. All of a sudden, he puts on his straight face and says "I'm leaving to go to Texas in May." and two seconds later, he chuckles. At first, I was frightened. When I heard "leaving" and "Texas", I thought (1) he was leaving for good, and (2) I only had two months left with him. After he laughed, I thought he was pulling a huge prank on me to see how I'd react, but he wasn't. He's really going to Texas, but it's not for long - four days, I believe. He was chosen to speak in front of people there for some reason I don't remember. It's cute. I can tell he's turned everything around and is taking his education seriously now. It shows character.

After leaving the Post Office, he walks me back to what turns out to be the wrong side of the train station, and hugs and kisses me on the cheek goodbye. Knowing me and knowing he's Dave, I walk aimlessly down to the train station with the cheesiest smile plastered onto my face. Boy, did I have the biggest butterflies ever known to man in me. Everything was just so difficult to consume... and the biggest thing that seemed to have happened was a kiss on the cheek. Haha. I feel 5-years-old all over again.

Anyways, I met up with Thomas after and we ended up talking a lot throughout the night. It was nice. I miss being without him in school. I feel like an asshole though. It was just supposed to be Thomas and I at the open mic, but I told Dave he could come. I don't know. I just feel like I can't give up the time I can get to be with Dave for anything. It's his first Open Mic Night too! How could I say no to that?! I hope Thomas understands... I'd do the same for him. Plus, there'll be more Open Mic Nights and more events to come. I'm sure of it. But still, I'm sorry Thomas! I hope you like him though...

It's late. I hope tomorrow goes well. Goodnight<3

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 Today's song:
Peter Bjork and John

Writer's Block

3. Young Folks

Eclipse Nevermore!

I finally finished reading Eclipse last night! It's taken me so long to read it. I'd say... a year at max. I'm so happy I did it. That book surprised the hell out of me. I never thought such things would happen at the end. I can't wait to read Breaking Dawn now. So excited!

Anyways, I hung out with Thomas yesterday. It was fun. They have this thing at Northeastern called afterHOURS and it's basically a place where people can sign up and play music to others. It's awesome. I'm planning to go back Thursday for their open mic night.

Well, I just wanted to give you an update on my day yesterday. It sucks because I completely forgot to take pictures! I'm such a loser. I'm mad at myself for forgetting. I'll try again today. It's 60 degrees out and I still have to photocopy taxes! Gr! My attempt failed yesterday which means I have to lug a bag out once again. Sucks. Anyways, it's time for me to get ready and go. I'm stopping by Y.E.S. today, then hanging out with Thomas again (I think). Chao! :)

Peanut Butter Postal Service.

So I'm sitting in front of my computer once again eating peanut butter and listening to The Postal Service. I log onto Facebook and see that Dave is on. I click his name and start typing.

As I waited for a response from him, I realized... I've only really tried keeping in touch with three people. I mean, I've talked to others, but three have always been on my mind - Dave being one of them. I don't understand what it is about him that makes me constantly think about him. I've talked to Maddie about this and she brought up her moms belief that we're attracted to people because of their scent. Their scent? Yeah... I know what you're thinking. Her mom must be on some type of drugs, right? Nope. A couple weeks later, I learn in my Biology class that there's something in the opposite sex we're automatically attracted to - in certain members at least. It's some type of odor our bodies give off. As weird as it sounds, I guess Dave has that odor I'm attracted to... and it's pretty freakin' strong! I can't help but find myself crawling back to him even when he's not around. And when he is around? Boy, I feel like I'd drop any guy for him...

I hate that he has that affect on me. It's scary getting that uncontrollable urge whenever I'm around him. It makes me feel as if I'm never going to be able to be with anyone other than him. It worries me so much... but I guess that once I find a guy who makes me forget about him and lose that urge, I'll know he's worth every penny.

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It's a beautiful day. The sun's out so I guess it's my time to leave before it sets. As always, <3.

P.S. Song of the moment:

The Postal Service (Website)
Give Up
District Sleeps Alone Tonight 

Uneventful.

Vacation's been quite bland for me. I've spent another day doing nothing. I hardly even read today. I just ate tons of junk food and sat in front of the computer screen catching up on my TV shows. How sad. It's okay though. Once it stops raining, which is tomorrow (really today), I'll be wandering out and about. I have to photocopy papers for my taxes anyways.

Surprisingly, something I've really been wanting to do is go jogging/running. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I've given myself the goal to be able to run two miles continuously by the end of the semester. I'm sure it's not that hard seeing as I've done around 1.5 sometime last year, but it's difficult for me to take it on mentally. I have this issue where I only do 1 mile before calling it quits. It's partially because I'm running indoors, but I know I can do it nonetheless.

On another note, I've been looking for something fun to do. I've been in an adventurous mood all day today. I want to do something crazy - something I normally wouldn't want to do. I want to dare and take a risk. Honestly, I kind of just want to make out with someone I've always wanted to... except I've always wanted to do that. Haha. I wonder how people can just make out with random people. Don't they ever question whether or not they're clean? What if they have some contagious virus or infection? The thought of that just grosses me out. I wish I was someone who didn't think of these things so I could just go all out, but at the same time, I'm glad I do so I don't put myself at risk for anything.

Anyways, Thomas and Paul called me today and I missed both of them! I'm such an asshole for missing Paul's especially since I know he's always busy and if he actually called, that meant he found time to talk! :( If you're reading this, sorry Paul! If anyone knows me or has actually tried calling me, they've probably learned the hard way that I have a tendency to abandon my cellphone when I'm home doing nothing.

It's hard to believe that it's already Tuesday. I feel like my vacation's halfway gone. I feel like the biggest loser ever because I'm wasting it away. Good thing the weather's crappy though. It's my excuse. Really. I didn't bring my Doc's over and the pair of converses I brought over has holes in them. Plus, I hate wet feet and wet shoes. I've already endured a couple years of that. I'm surprised I haven't lost any toes due to frostbite. But yeah... I'm excited for nice weather to come. I feel like the Spring weather has crept up on us quite fast this year. I can't wait.

Speaking of not being able to wait... new cellphone plan tomorrow/later on today? Yes?! I sure hope so. Super stoked! I'm not looking forward to a new number though. Pooooopey once again. I hope I can find a way to keep it.

Eclipse time! Adios. Love you muchos! :-*!

P.S. I've been listening to Snow Patrol all day today. I love them so. This was the first song I heard from them today and it's stuck to me since. Funny how I find that it pertains to Nick so easily... or even Dave. But Nick more since we've shared the same bed before. Hah. Anyways, give this song a listen:

Snow Patrol (Website)
When It's All Over We Still Have to ...
8. One Night is Not Enough

Rain.

It's been raining for about three days. I almost feel unwelcome from Boston, but that doesn't keep from enjoying my time here and my luck!

I haven't gone out since I've gotten back, but it's alright. I've been catching up on my TV shows and reading. As you may remember, I've been reading the Twilight series for quite some time now. I've been reading Eclipse on and off for months and have finally decided to finish it this week. Maybe I'll even get to start on Breaking Dawn, the last book. Along with finally getting in touch with my reading side, I'm about to get onto a new cellphone plan! That means I get to call mobile-to-mobile for free, get a mini texting plan, and have whenever minutes! Also, I get to finally say goodbye to my prepaid plan. To tell you the truth, what I'm really looking forward to is the texting. I've been dying to text without worrying about killing my minutes. It's going to be great.

Coming home, I've realized that I have a lot of clothes. Too much clothes, almost. I've also noticed that my wardrobe has changed dramatically. I never use to own skirts and dresses, but once I realized I didn't, I started buying them. Now I'm practically in love with them. Don't worry. I'm still the same girl I was - a jean lover - but I do have to admit that it's fun to dress up at times.

I've been thinking about something for the past couple days now. You know how I took my first shot last week? (I can't believe it's only been a week.) I've had the urge to drink once again. I'm still the type of person who doesn't drink just to drink, though. I don't think I'll ever be that person. I need to be having fun before I start drinking. Anyways, I do want to drink and maybe even get a little drunk. I'm afraid I'm going to be like Shoko and tip over when I'm drunk though. haha. ...or at least be a really sloppy drunk. Seeing as I get dizzy easily when I'm tipsy, I don't think I'm going to handle being drunk well. I don't plan on pushing my limit though. Next time I'll probably just take two shots max and maybe drink some beer. We'll see... I'm excited for the next party. It's funny that whenever I think about partying, I think about Nemat's parties. I just enjoy them that much. :)

Anyways, it's time for me to read again! I can't wait for the weather to warm up and the rain to stop. Sunny showers will also do. See you later!<3

P.S. It was the St. Patty's Day parade today, but I didn't go out to see it. Pooooopey.

Not quite right.

I'm finally back home in Boston and I'm not completely sure how I feel at the moment. I kind of feel out of place, as if I don't belong here. It worries me how home doesn't feel like home anymore. It makes me confused about my life. I'm not sure where I should go or what I should do. I think it's 'The Bachelor" that's making me feel and think this way. I just caught up on the show and it made me more emotional, think of relationships and really growing up, getting a job, and living on my own. It's scary thinking about it, let alone go through it.

I'm worried about having to pay for college next year. The only reason why I didn't have to pay for anything this year is because of my scholarship. Next year, I won't have it anymore. I feel like it would be wrong to let my parents pay for college. I already somewhat feel bad for leaving my mom due to dorming... but I guess this is just the first step to growing up - moving away from the mother bird and spreading my wings. It won't be all fun and games soon and I'll really have to start taking my education and life more seriously than I currently am. It makes me think about Paul and how he has been so busy recently. It's scary, yet motivational. I just feel like I'm wasting a lot of time doing 'nothing', or hanging out with friends. I mean, I am gaining something out of it - learning more about myself and becoming more open - but still, it's not something that can be put on my resume for future employers to see. It sucks how society runs.

Boy, I think I'm just lovesick. I've been watching 'The Bachelor' for way too long... and now I'm planning to read 'Eclipse'. How smart of me. Anyways, it's late. I'm going to read a page or two before sleeping. Night.

Moving forward.

I'm done trying to get Nick. I've made my feelings quite clear and initiated a lot of things, yet haven't gotten much reassurance back. I feel like if you really like someone, you'd go after him/her. In my case, he isn't, and for that reason, I'm moving on.

On another note, I'm going to be in Boston in a couple hours. I'm excited to go home. Isn't it amazing how you can start it one place and be in a completely different one in a couple hours?

I went to the gym once again. I'm planning to go every Tuesday and Thursday at the very least. I ran a total of 1.25 of a mile today. It was nice even though I didn't run the entire 1.25 miles all at once. I also biked a bit and worked my arms out. It's nice getting back in shape.

Anyways, I'm done for the night. That one hour nap didn't help much. 9:05 tomorrow. Goodnight Amherst. I'll see you in Boston.