Not quite right.

I'm finally back home in Boston and I'm not completely sure how I feel at the moment. I kind of feel out of place, as if I don't belong here. It worries me how home doesn't feel like home anymore. It makes me confused about my life. I'm not sure where I should go or what I should do. I think it's 'The Bachelor" that's making me feel and think this way. I just caught up on the show and it made me more emotional, think of relationships and really growing up, getting a job, and living on my own. It's scary thinking about it, let alone go through it.

I'm worried about having to pay for college next year. The only reason why I didn't have to pay for anything this year is because of my scholarship. Next year, I won't have it anymore. I feel like it would be wrong to let my parents pay for college. I already somewhat feel bad for leaving my mom due to dorming... but I guess this is just the first step to growing up - moving away from the mother bird and spreading my wings. It won't be all fun and games soon and I'll really have to start taking my education and life more seriously than I currently am. It makes me think about Paul and how he has been so busy recently. It's scary, yet motivational. I just feel like I'm wasting a lot of time doing 'nothing', or hanging out with friends. I mean, I am gaining something out of it - learning more about myself and becoming more open - but still, it's not something that can be put on my resume for future employers to see. It sucks how society runs.

Boy, I think I'm just lovesick. I've been watching 'The Bachelor' for way too long... and now I'm planning to read 'Eclipse'. How smart of me. Anyways, it's late. I'm going to read a page or two before sleeping. Night.