6 Hours.

I've been sleeping at around 3am all week, and every time I count the hours of sleep I'd be getting, I end up with the number six. For some reason, that number always seemed to be a decent amount. Now that I think about it, I don't feel that way anymore. Six hours of sleep is really little.

I don't know what's been going on in my mind all week. I've just been camping out at the library - going right after class, leaving only for dinner, and going right back to the library until the AM. I've basically been living here all week. The only thing I've really done back at my dorm is sleep. I've only given myself Thursday off all week. I've also skipped three classes, which is bizarre of me, seeing as I haven't skipped a single class all semester. It was however, partially because of my stubbed toe, which was too painful to walk on Monday morning, and a hastle to deal with on Tuesday. For those reasons, I skipped my Sociology class on Monday, and my Oceanography class on Tuesday. The third class I skipped was, once again, Oceanography, meaning I haven't gone to that class all week. I just find it pointless to go seeing as I've done the intended number of worksheets in class, and all the lecture notes are online. I will, however, go to the last class next tuesday.

Anyways, I'm at the library with Molly and she's now ready to go, which means I am too. My stubbed toe is practically healed, and I can't wait to sleep. Update you later. Time to troop back. Goodnight!

By the way, I'm sick and will hopefully recover in time to enjoy the nice weather. It's going to be in the 70's and 80's this weekend. I'm stoked.

Step 1

I just got off the phone with Trinh. She told me she talked to Dave and that he said his feelings for me just aren't strong enough to risk our friendship. She also told me he wasn't looking for something serious at the moment and doesn't want to fool around with me and hurt me.

I don't really know what to think at the moment. I'm still trying to register all this information and come to a place where I can finally say for sure that he doesn't like me so that I can move on. It's hard because I'm making up all these possibilities and excuses as to why he might not have made a move yet. In my mind, I feel like he hasn't done anything because he feels like we might actually have potential, not because his feelings aren't strong enough. I mean, he does walk me to places, hug me hello and goodbye, and kiss me on the cheek. I can't really name anyone else he does that to, nor have I heard of him doing that to anyone. I understand the fooling around part and everything, but the whole "strong feelings" thing is hard to believe. It seems as though he looks at us as either being friends 'til the end, or being in a relationship and nothing more if that ends. I know I don't know much about him, but maybe that's what all his past relationships were. Maybe they were all quick - in the sense that he had met the girl not too long ago before they got together, and when they broke up, they wouldn't talk anymore. Maybe that's why he never really thought twice about going out with someone before; there wasn't another part of them he could lose - the friendship part. I mean, we have known one another for a really long time. It's just weird thinking of it that way because I wouldn't consider us to be close friends. We don't hang out with one another often, or really at all.

The only thing that really has the potential to help me move on is the fact that he ended up talking about other girls when he was talking to Trinh. She made it seem like he was saying complete bullshit when he talked about not wanting to hurt me. It almost helps me believe that he has no interest in me.

I don't know... Am I being completely delirious? Should I declare myself clinically insane yet? Or are my thoughts actually logical?

I asked Trinh if I should still talk to him about this once I get back. She said she doesn't think it would be worth it seeing as he'd probably go in circles by saying he wouldn't want to risk hurting me, and that I would probably end up even more heart broken. But part of me feels like I need to hear that. Part of me feels like I need to hurt. I need to hurt a lot more. I feel like I need to hit rock bottom so that I can pick myself up from there and rebuild anew.

When I get over him, I don't want to look back...

I

am a confused and naive.

There are many times when I find myself not knowing what to do, how to act, or most importantly, how to feel when I'm with a guy. It's what holds me back all the time. I think about things too much - whether doing something is wrong or right. Even giving a simple kiss makes me question myself. Am I being irrational? Does anyone else feel the need to think about things like this - especially if you're not in a relationship? Or am I right for doing this? Is college just brainwashing me to think I'm the weird one?

I've also come up with another reason as to why this might be happening to me. I think I've forgotten how to like. 

You know what? I don't even know what I'm saying or thinking right now. As said in the first line of this post, I'm confused and naive. I also think my 12 hours of sleep is messing with my mind. With that said, I'm going to try and get some work done. I have about three papers to write. I'll catch you when I'm more myself.

By the way, here's to sum up my weekend:
Roommate-less, no Jonathan, no Cindy, Mike, Mario Party(?), Star Wars I, not so much Star Wars II, sleep, Mike, Mike, confused, Mike and friends, breakfast, frisbee, town, purple hair dye, dinner, improv, shower, drunk Tim, drunk people, Kevin, sleep, today.

And speaking of purple hair dye, I think I might be dying the bottom of my hair purple. Dark purple, though. I don't plan on bleaching it. Anyways, adios.

342!

I'm going to be in Baker next year! I'm so happy I got into the dorm of my choice. Sadly, after I picked the room, Maddie came to the library and told me she'd rather be in the corner room but I couldn't move her anymore, so we stuck with our room. It's okay though. We're pretty content about our choice even though we wont have our amazing view anymore. We decided having a social life is more important.

Another update I have is that I won in the art show! I found out right after the show ended at around 10:30pm last night. Geoff came to my door and told me I had won. I was so shocked and am still pretty shocked about it. I can't believe it! He said I got more votes than Chad, who is an architecture major (I believe)! Although, he only have two pieces in the show, while I had six. Anyways, seeing as my apple drawing might've gotten me the most amount of votes, it reminded me about how much I enjoy making art. Winning also makes me really consider continuing art. It reinforces this so called "talent" of mine and makes me want to try harder to get into that art class next semester. I also think I'm going to minor in art at the very least.

Anyways, that's really all I have to say today. I've been slacking so much this past week. I've been so lazy. By the way, Maddie left today so I'm all alone for the rest of the weekend. Taste of UMass was also today, which was really cool. There were so many different types of yummy food. I also got to eat a piece of the largest sushi in... New England? That was neat. Writing about all this food makes me hungry, so that's my signal to start doing work. Catch you later!

Tick. Tock.

Each and every day that passes by makes me think about the little time I have left at UMass. This year has gone by so quickly. I already know the next three years are going to fly by. It sucks knowing how quickly everything is happening. I only have about two weeks of classes left, finals, and then I'll be gone by the 12th. I'm dreading the day I move out. I really don't want to leave Amherst and its warm atmosphere. It's so calming.

I also don't know what I'm going to do for my summer. Part of me wants a job and the other part of me doesn't. I'm telling myself I'm going to read a lot, teach myself a some French, visit family, and possibly even make a trip to Algeria and visit Sihem (as well as learn French), but knowing myself, this might not happen. I am, however, very motivated to do all of this at the moment. I just don't want to risk wasting my summer.

Anyways, I'm somewhat distracted at the moment. I'm blasting music into my ears, which makes it difficult for me to blog, so I'm going to head out for dinner. I'm also playing the song "Run" from the previous post which means I'm distracted by thoughts of Dave as I'm typing.

By the way, today's a Monday at UMass to make up for Patriots Day, so I have my late class tonight. That should explain my early dinner.

P.S. There's an art and writing exhibition in the basement of my dorm tonight at 8pm. I brought my artwork down to Geoff Monday night with the intention of only submitting my Burt's Bees piece, but he ended up taking five additional pieces. That means I have six pieces in the show. Also, there will be voting, which means there's a prize for the winner. Wish me luck!

P.P.S. I won't even make it to the show on time because my Anthro class ends at 8:10pm. Pooooo. :(

Wrong.

So I spoke to Maddie about Dave and she made me realize that I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm trying.

What I told her was that as much as I am attracted to other guys, such as Nick or Nemat, I find myself doing wrong whenever I hook up with someone. But in truth, nothing I'm doing is necessarily wrong. In theory, it's correct. It's me trying to move on. It's me following my brain. That's what Maddie made me realize - that I'm following my brain. I'm giving someone a chance to win my heart. The only problem is that my heart isn't in it... not for those guys at least. My heart is telling me to go to Dave. It's crying out so loudly for him.

What makes me feel so weird about this is that it feels so wrong. And for what reason? None. There shouldn't be a reason as to why this feels wrong. I should be completely open to dating people. I'm not in a relationship with Dave - I never have been. We barely talk. I barely know him. But why do I feel like I am, in some way, "cheating" on him when I'm with someone else?

Thinking back, this was always a problem. Seeing how I've liked him for so many years, even when I was with someone else, my relationships always ended because of the feelings I had for him. They were so strong and always overpowering. I'd give up anyone and anything to be with him. That's why I have to figure this out once and for all. If I don't, I don't think I'd ever be able to move on. Just thinking about this scares me so much. I have no idea how I'd manage to get over him. I really wish I wouldn't have to, but part of me feels like I will. Part of me knows this is going to have to end. And I'd even say a really large part of me believes that, but I don't want to think that way just yet.

Anyways, I have work to do. Once again, the song of the night is Run by Snow Patrol. I feel like I can relate this song to my situation with Dave. I hate him. I say that all the time, but you and I know that that's not true. Not even one bit of it...

Midnight Songs.

I've been waiting since birth to find a love that would look and sound like a movie, so I changed my plans. I rented a camera and a van and then I called you. "I need you to pretend that we are in love again," and you agreed too.

I want so badly to believe that there is truth, that love is real. And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd.

>> The Postal Service - Clark Gable

This song basically explains my feelings at the moment. I've been thinking about Dave a lot these past couple days. It's weird how I have moments when I think about him a lot, and sometimes a little. What scares me is that there's only a few more weeks until I see him. That means I only have a few more weeks until I confront him about my feelings. I can't allow myself to go on another summer or another year like this. I've decided that by next fall, I'm either going to fall madly in love with him, or completely over him. I have to. But for now, "I want so badly to believe that there is truth that love is real..."

The Good Life.

I've really been slacking on the whole posting thing recently. It's such a disappointment. I've figured out why though! It's because I haven't been getting that much work recently, which means I don't really go to the library all too often. And when I do, it's only for a short amount of time. With that said, life's been pretty chill. I guess I should be spending more of my time reading and studying and whatnot. I'll manage.

Anyways, I've still been talking to Jonathan since my last update. I think he actually might come. I don't know for sure yet, but he said he'd tell me by Wednesday. I'm excited. I really hope he visits. It's also Blackout Weekend next week, which should convince him a bit more.

So I didn't do much this weekend. I just stayed in the dorm and chilled. Shoko's brother came over and is still here as well as other peoples friends. He's really sweet. And speaking of people, my theory, as well as other peoples theory, of Nick hooking up with Grace was correct! I think he likes her, or they like each other. It's quite cute. I think they'd work nicely together. It's funny how I used to like him. I still think he's an insanely sweet guy and everything though. Good luck to the both of them. By the way, Nick was so drunk this weekend. He was so drunk that we danced together in the hallway. Haha.

Well... I don't really know what else to say. I haven't hung out with Nemat recently. We haven't even talked all that much. I'm still head over heels about Dave, which I still hate myself for. I've also realized that I'm a one man girl. What I mean by that is I can't picture myself dating two guys at the same time, or even kissing two different guys in one night. I can't even picture myself hooking up with a random guy, let alone two. I wonder how people do it. It makes me wonder if I'd be able to do that if I were drunk. Maybe I'll find out one day.

Anyways, I'm going to go now. Time to listen to music and eat miscellaneous items with peanut butter. It's an addiction I've had for quite some time now. Peanut butter and granola to be exact. Carrots are also a good snack. Oh, and I forgot to mention that there was a live concert on the hill today. It was basically a bunch of UMass bands playing outside. It's actually still going on. I went out for a bit but it got too cold, so now I'm here. But yeah... au revior!

P.S. Weezer - The Good Life. Listen to it!

Courses.

So I've basically picked all my courses out already. I'm currently enrolled in Intro to Kinesiology and American Political Thought (PoliSci), and wait listed in French. I'm also enrolled in a few other courses I most likely wont take. I'm just keeping them there until I'm sure I get into my Anatomy and Physiology class. The thing about this class is that it's mainly reserved for Kin majors, and I'm not one of them. You also need to have taken Intro to Kin, which I'm enrolled in for next semester, but it's not a problem because I can take both of them at the same time. All I had to do was pick up a form to request to be in A&P, which I did not too long ago. What my problem is is deciding which lab I want to take. I have the opportunity to take my lab on Monday, which means I wont have classes on Tuesday (and Thursday), or take it on Tuesday at 1pm so I wont sleep too much.

I've also thought about leaving my Tuesday's and Thursday's open in case I wanted to pick up a job (preferably at Urban Outfitters in Northampden). Although, the only issue I have is wanting a job or internship that will do me good in the future, such as something educational or resume-worthy.

I never thought picking a time would come to be this complicated! Leave it up to me to make everything more difficult. Gr! I still have to think this through. I think I'll give myself a day. Hopefully I will have decided by then. Wish me luck.

P.S. I bought dried mango today! Kyle brought it up yesterday when we were talking because he thought dried banana was good (which isn't). Wait until he tries dried mango. :) I hope it's as good as the ones I've eaten in the past. I haven't tried it just yet.

P.P.S. I ran around campus today - totaling a little over 2 miles! I believe it took me around 20 minutes to do it. I'm so happy I did it. 2 miles was my goal and now I know I can definitely do it - outside at least. I have a problem running indoors. It makes everything a lot harder. By the way, UMass is even more beautiful than I thought. I ran along Governors Drive, and it was gorgeous. There were glass buildings and pretty flowers. It's a shame people don't walk there often or probably even know about it. Anyways, I'm getting pretty hungry. There's sushi today! Super excited. Chao.

P.P.P.S. Allie left. :(

Procrastination.

I'm supposed to be studying for my Oceanography exam right now seeing as I barely have so far and it's tomorrow. The reason why I'm being so lenient on myself is because our lowest exam grade is going to be dropped, and my lowest so far is a 77. I do want to get a better grade than that, but it's not that bad and I don't want to put too much pressure onto myself. This week has just been all over the place with Allie being here. I've been having too much fun.

Speaking of fun, we went shopping today! Shoko, Allie, Maddie, and I went thrift store shopping at Salvy's and Plato's Closet. It was nice seeing as I wasn't in the greatest mood to spend money (I'm never really in a money-spending mood when I'm here), so finding something actually worth buying was good. Anyways, I bought two pairs of shorts for $11. How nice is that? The others also bought some cute things for Spring/Summer. :)

Anyways, I just wanted to update you on that. I've also been hanging out with Kyle, the 3rd floor peer mentor, recently. Well, I don't really hang out with him, but I feel like I've been talking to him for quite some time now. We bumped into him at the bus stop going to Northampden once and I talked to him throughout the entire wait and ride. I also talked to him from about 7pm until 9:30pm today, except part of that time was spent with others for a workshop. I'll probably see him tomorrow as well for a faculty chat in the Van Meter classroom, although he may not go due to work. Anyways, all I wanted to say is that I have been seeing him a lot and will probably see him more often. I should get back to studying seeing as I skipped frisbee just to study. Yes, everyone went outside to play frisbee at this hour. With that said, catch you later. Chao.

P.S. After talking to Kyle and whatnot, alone and during the workshop, I've really gotten excited and more motivated to go looking for study abroad programs during the summer or/and teaching myself French. I also plan on reading a ton and hanging out at Borders. I'm really excited.

Surprise.

I've been having quite the amount of free time lately. I feel as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. All I have left to do today is study for my Oceanography exam which is on Thursday. I think studying two days prior to exams is the latest anyone should study.

Anyways, I just got the news that Allie is coming today! She's going to surprise Maddie. She should get here by 5pm, which is in 30 minutes, so I should get going soon. I'm hungry and want to get some food before going back to the dorm. With that said, times a ticking. Chao!

Um...

I totally just slacked off really badly with this whole blogging thing. I have no idea where I've been for the past 5/6 days. All I remember is having an extremely tiring week last week, and as a result, doing nothing but going out on the weekend.

Speaking of the weekend, I hung out with Nemat really late on Friday night and it wasn't what I expected it to be like. All I have to say is that he really made me question what his intentions are. I don't know whether he's looking for a relationship or if he's just looking for fun. And to tell you the truth, I don't think I'm ready for a relationship yet if that's what he wants. I know I'm not over Dave and just wouldn't be comfortable to really be with someone else. As for fun, that's not what I'm looking for - not with someone whom I barely know and basically just met.

After that night, I came back to the dorm pretty early since he had a science show to do for elementary school kids at 10am. I caught up on sleep, ate breakfast, and hit the gym with Maddie. Afterwards, Maddie, Sihem, Shoko and I went to Northampden to go shopping at UrbanOutfitters since it was Worker's Appreciation Month and Maddie was given a friend's card thing from Allie (her friend back home), giving us 40% off everything. I ended up just buying two pairs of tights, which are of course, awesome. We got back to Amherst at around 9pm and went to eat at PitaPit. We went to bed early that night.

On Sunday, I didn't do much but eat a late breakfast and head to town with Maddie and Sihem at around 6pm. We did work at Starbucks until 10pm. Well, they did work and I picked my classes for next year. When we came back, we all got together and waited for Veronica to come back so we could sing her Happy Birthday. After that, I did my homework and slept.

Jonathan C. texted me over break and it made me realize how much I've missed him. It's interesting how I feel about him. I think he's the only guy I could allow myself to hook up with and just be cool with the next day. I think I'd actually feel comfortable being friends with benefits with him. Haha. I miss him and his flirtatiousness. I hope he visits this weekend or next weekend or something.

Anyways, I think I'm going to read some before I sleep. This week has been pretty relaxing so far. Yes, I know it's only Monday, but there doesn't seem to be much that's due this week. Not really any big projects or exams - just one Oceanography exam on Thursday. And speaking of projects, I think I did okay for my Anthro presentation last Friday. I might've missed upon a bullet point or answered it poorly, but overall, I think I did fine.

I think I'm going to call Jonathan tomorrow and see what's up. Also, tomorrow's my gym day! I've been feeling more rejuvenated lately, so I'm hoping I can run more. I've also been doing more sprints/faster runs recently on the treadmill instead of continuous long jogs. I think they work and make me feel a lot better. Once again, it's time for me to read and sleep. Goodnight loves. I've missed you dearly.

Sun.

I got a noticable tan today! I decided to lay outside the library and read instead of heading to the gym (which is something I don't usually do on Wednesdays) so I could get some work done and tan while doing it. It was nice and toasty. After reading, I went into the library and saw the very noticable tan lines! Why am I so excited? Because it's so hard for me to get my legs to tan!

So now I'm here, finished with my Anthro homework and still in need of working on my presentation, which I have yet to start. I'm thinking about coming back here after dinner and doing it.

On another note, my cousin messaged me on facebook saying she plans on visiting! I'm excited! I can't wait for her to visit.

Well... my life's starting to get boring and I'm getting lazy. I think the sun is getting to me. It makes me want to be outside all the time. I've also been sleeping a lot recently (compared to the sleep I used to get). Anyways, I think I might go outside and run. I just have to map it on google to check the distance. I'm not sure if it's a good idea though. I think I'm pretty dehydrated, but I've been wanting to do this since yesterday. Maybe I'll just do a mile, or half... something. See you!

Snippet.

Breakfast with Nemat, maybe hangout later, class, gym, run, 2 miles, bike, library, edit English draft, hungry, print, pee, surf the web, hungry, food time. :)

By the way, it's Greek week and Tim's lip singing tonight! So excited!

Relaxi Taxi.

I don't remember how that phrase came about or where I first heard of it, but I feel really relaxed right now. I finished writing my English draft last night and I'm pretty proud of it. I worked on it more after my classes today and will work on it a bit more tomorrow. It's nice planning things out and giving yourself time to do it. I feel less worried and in a rush. It's nice.

The only thing that's really on my mind right now is my Anthro project. I told Kevin, my TA, about my idea and he just looked at me awkwardly. He's so awkward. I almost feel like he's a bad TA because it seems so pointless to talk to him sometimes. You don't get good feedback or anything - just nods, and groans. It's interesting seeing as he's an Anthro major. You'd think he'd understand things more.
But with that said, I think I'm just going to wing it. Seeing as I'm presenting on the first day, I won't be able to compare my presentation to anyone's but the example presentation given. I don't even know if Kevin really knows what he's looking for. I'll be fine though. It should be a piece of cake seeing as the grading rubric is online. Talking about this makes me somewhat angry. I never realized how bad of a TA he was until I wrote about this. Therefore, I'm going to change the topic.

So... I texted Nemat today since we haven't talked in the past couple days. I figured I'd leave him alone over the weekend so he could spend some good quality time with his family without thinking about a girl. Hopefully that's what he was looking for and didn't take my lack of communication as a sign of disinterest. Anyways, I texted him a while ago just to make sure he hadn't fallen off the face of the earth, and he responded by saying "nope still firmly planted on earth!" I don't know if it's just me, but I thought that response was adorable. By the way, we're going to have another mini breakfast before class again. :)

Well, that's all I wanted to say today. It's been a nice but odd day. I think all this Anthro talk is turning my night from good to bad. I'll just do my project tomorrow, and read and chill tonight. Catch you later. Chao!<3

Serenity.

This weekend has been so nice. The majority of people were gone, and those that remained were Maddie, Sihem, Shoko, and a few others. They came back Saturday afternoon, so I had Friday night and Saturday morning to myself, and Saturday night and Sunday with the girls. It was so relaxing.

For the most part, I did my own thing when I was alone. I finally got to run outside on Saturday since it was so nice out. According to Google Maps, I ran 1.8 miles nonstop. I planned for a 2 mile run, but I wouldn't have enjoyed that route. I'm so close to running 2 miles! Anyways, I headed to Franks afterwards, and bumped into Mike and Raf when entering. After eating, I went with Raf for a walk since he wanted to take pictures. We bumped into Brian, tried to fly his kite, then headed to Northeast to hang out with Thatcher kids. They smoked hookah, while Evan and I played frisbee for an hour or two. I had a really nice and active day. At around 5pm, Maddie, Sihem, and Shoko came back from Matt's. We hung out, caught up with one another and then went to go watch Alice in Wonderland, which was a good movie. I just didn't enjoy the ending that much and expected something different out of it. Other than that, I really liked it.

Today, we had our normal Sunday, eating late and hanging out. After breakfast, we stayed on the hill, lied down and chatted, then went for a game of frisbee. We went back into the dorm not too long ago to get some work done. Maddie and Sihem went to town to do work, while Shoko and I decided to stay in. I actually wanted to go to town, but I figured I'd get more work done here. I am looking forward to going to town to do work one of these days though. It would be a nice change.

With all this said, it's time for me to finally work on my final English research paper. I actually have to come up with a good draft this time. Hopefully I'll get this done in an hour of two. Wish me luck!

By the way, I miss Nemat! This lack of communication is something I'm not used to, but it does evoke emotions and keep the relationship alive. I'm excited to see him again.

P.S. Happy Easter and enjoy the nice weather!

Spring.

I have a love/hate relationship with spring. First of all, it's a tease. The temperature is constantly fluctuating during it's beginning, and when it's finally nice out, it's also time to look out for rain. But that's not the worst part of it. The worst part is the mass of bugs that come along with it. If you know me, I can't stand bugs. They're my worst enemy and my biggest fear. Yes, I know they're a bagillion times smaller than me, but I'm still scared of them - every single one of them. I don't know what it is that makes me so afraid, but I've always been. Maybe it was because of the way my parents (mainly mom) acted around them when she found roaches in the house. From what I'd remember, she'd flip out - not due to fear but due to anger towards them - and squish them with her shoe. I guess her reaction made it seem as though they were scary invaders.

Anyways, spring isn't entirely a bad season. I enjoy lots that come from it. There's flowers, green grass, trees with leaves on them, the sun, lots of things. I can finally wear less clothing, hit the beach, walk outside comfortably, and simply enjoy the warm weather. There's also a plethora of activities you can do outside because of the nice weather. Of course, there are no winter activities, but there are many you can do in the spring that are almost as good, if not better.

So besides my biggest concern of bugs due to the spring, I enjoy every bit of it nonetheless.

P.S. I forgot to mention the horrid allergies I get during the spring...

P.P.S. I'm home alone for the night since everyone either went home, or over to Matt's house for his party. That means it's time for me to chill and do my own thing in peace and quiet. Hooray!

Hot Hot Heat.

No, I'm not talking about the band - they are a band though. I'm not quite sure what they sound like, but you're free to give it a go. It's just been so hot out today! I think I even toasted a bit. The sad thing is that I think it was only 60 something degrees, almost 70 today. Tomorrow's supposed to reach 76 degrees. It's going to be so hot! I'm excited though. I'm not even sure what to wear. I'm thinking shorts so my legs can darken up a bit. They're pretty pale and veiny now. Hot, huh?

So I asked Nemat to do breakfast/dinner today or lunch/dinner tomorrow last night and he said that those times wouldn't work but proposed lunch after class. Since I usually work out after class, and can't work out after I eat, I declined his offer. I went to bed at 11pm that night with no intention of eating breakfast the next morning. After having 11 hours of sleep, I finally reached over to my radio to shut my alarm off when all of a sudden, my phone vibrates. It's Nemat! And it turns out that he can eat breakfast with me! So I jolt out of bed and get ready to meet him at Franklin. When we got there, we first looked for a table (I had every intention of only eating with him) but saw Tim, so we joined him and Cheyenne. I guess it was okay that we sat with others because people got to meet him, and it was nice to see that he got along with people well. He wasn't awkward or anything - just chill. After we left, he thought about possibly hanging out tonight, but he texted me a couple hours ago saying he wouldn't be able to.

I find it interesting how I constantly find myself wanting to see him even when I know I have that odd feeling about him. I think it's because I'm really interested in getting to know him. It's weird to say this, but every time I shower (yes, I happen think about him in the shower), I think about all the things I want to ask him - all these questions that remain unanswered and are waiting to be answered. He just seems so interesting, so well put together, and so mature but childish at the same time.

I think that's the thing about growing up that teens don't understand. With age really comes maturity. You really get to know yourself - know where you're heading. You talk about more diverse things, such as what you do during your spare time, what you do for fun, what you do with your friends, or at your job. You also have the ability to go places. There's a larger horizon. You have money, a car, an ID. There's so much that's out there when you get older. Relationships seem to get easier with age. You realize it's not fun and games anymore - that someone can become part of your life and your future. You begin to know what you want and what you're looking for.

Growing up... it's a big thing.

P.S. Happy April! I hope you all got pranked today!