Mush.

The days are starting to mush together: reading, Facebook, AIM, reading, Facebook, AIM, blog. Yes, there are days when I go out, but that doesn't mean my everyday cycle doesn't go on with it. I just go out and come back home only to find myself reading, Facebooking, and messaging people all over again. It's almost tiring doing the same thing everyday. Well, maybe not tiring, but boring. I need some excitement in my life - something new. Maybe that's why I'm having this "crush" on someone. I really hope not because that would mean heartbreak all over again... I hate heartbreaks.

I'm getting lazy. I'm turning into this mush. I haven't done laundry in who-knows-how-long. I told myself I'd do it tomorrow. I haven't had an enjoyable run in a while. I always seem to be lacking energy - the drive to run. I think it's time to join the YMCA again, although I really don't want to be dependent on the gym. I'll have to reconsider. I hope I get a job at Urban. That's what I really need right now.

I'm such a blob.

Oh. By the way, "Fight Club" is coming along nicely - good book.

Book 4 & "The Perks"

I finished "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" earlier today and have already purchased my next book, "Fight Club"! I'm excited to read it - especially since I haven't seen the movie yet. I know, I'm late. But at least I get exercise my imagination before letting a movie do it for me. I'm glad I've picked up reading. As dorky at this sounds, I'm really enjoyable.

Also, before I disregard "The Perks of Being a Wallflower," I'd like to say that I loved the book. I don't remember getting through a book so quickly and willingly - not even Twilight! Chbosky, the author, did such a great job writing it, evoking sadness, love, uncertainty, worry, happiness, and all emotions for the main character. I felt as if he were my own friend. It's definitely something I recommend for people to read. What I noticed quickly after reading only a few pages was that the main character reminded me of someone; someone whom I think is a sweet, innocent, sincere, and loving person. That person is actually who I'm crushing on right now, and those are all the reasons why I have those feelings towards him. With that said, I think I'm going to give him "The Perks..." to read - my copy. This book has really reminded me of the act of kindness. It's reminded me how you're really supposed to love someone, how to sincerely care for someone, and how to thank people. It's also shown me that books are meant to be shared - things are meant to be shared. And this is how I want to start... by giving him this book. If he's interested in it that is. If he gives it a chance to see what I see.

That's how I feel about books right now. If I enjoy it, get something out of it, or learn something from it, why not spread this new knowledge? Why not spread this joy?

That's my two cents today...

Book 3

I'm on a roll! I've really been reading my butt off lately. I finished "In Persuasion Nation" in about three days! I don't think I've ever finished a book at my own will that quickly. Even though it's only a little over 200 pages, I'm proud of myself for finding the time to read. :)

Anyways, I've already purchased and started my new book, "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" by Stephen Chbosky. My English teacher recommended it to me, and it sounded like an interesting book, so I went for it! But there's not much for me to say, so ciao!

P.S. I'm going to apply for the Converse store opening on Newbury Street. :)

Womp.

Didn't do much today; just went to the beach and read. Starting to get cranky. Need to run. Bored. Need to get out of the house. Somewhat unhappy. Don't know why. Blah. Seriously need to run. :(

Done!

I finally finished reading the Twilight Saga!

I read so much last night, determined to finish Breaking Dawn by today. I could've even finished it last night if I hadn't decided to try to sleep! I just ended up rolling around for two hours until I realized reading would put me to bed quicker. So I did! I read about 40/50 pages more until I had ten pages left until the end of the book and decided to get some rest since I had to wake up early this morning. The reason for getting up early was because Paul, Henry, and I wanted to visit OB, which we did! It was a blast. We mainly hung out with Mr. Joseph, seeing as he's a super chill guy, and visited a ton of other teachers. It was nice seeing all of them. On the other hand, we didn't get to see any of the younger folks/seniors because they decided to make their skip day today. Joseph had a total of 17 students out approximately 79 that showed up for class. Haha.

Anyways, after OB, we separated for about an hour, me going home to get my Urban Outfitters job app., and Paul and Henry going over Paul's to play games and kill time. We met back up at around 4pm and then ate vermicelli for the first time in a long time (I'm only speaking for myself). It was delicious! Thinking about it only makes me want to eat some right now. Anyways, after stuffing our faces and playing with the oil in Henry's pho (I wish I had gotten photos of that), we headed to Boston Common to play frisbee! It's funny how thinking back on all this, I had so much fun, but really, I felt like I lacked so much energy. Haha. Well, I thought my day was fun. After playing frisbee, Henry left for a Posse thing, and Paul and I decided to hit Newbury Street to submit my job application. We basically wandered around, going into stores and walking out with nothing. It was enjoyable. We went our separate ways at around 8:30pm, and boy am I happy we did! I just caught the "The Bachelorette" when I stepped into the house, then finished Breaking Dawn right after.

Speaking of books, I'm "starting" a not-so-new one I picked up during my second semester at UMass. It's called "In Persuasion Nation," by George Saunders. He gave a speech at my school, which is where I purchased and got him to sign it. I figured I'd buy it anyways seeing as he's gotten so many good reviews and I wanted to pick myself up a book to read. It's composed of short stories, so it continuously supplies me with new crazy stories on a day-to-day basis. I read about 30 pages while I was back in Amherst, and both the stories I've read were already crazy and unforgettable. It's definitely a book that should pick up. Anyways, I'm going to try and read a few more pages before I pass out. I'm not planning to sleep late seeing as I didn't get much sleep last night, need to fix my schedule, and am about to pass this very second. So with that said, bonne nuit!

Nightlight.

For all you who have no interest in the book "Twilight" by Stephanie Mayer, but know a little about it, or even for those of you who do like it and are looking for some humor, you should check out the book "Nightlight" by Harvard Lampoon.

This parody is very funny, especially for those of you who don't like "Twilight." I've only read the first chapter so far and enjoyed it a lot. So if you're interested, the link to the first chapter can be found here. Enjoy! :)

Attraction.

Pretrial application submitted; OB Asian Night attended; ComCol application released; ComCol application begun.

As for attraction, I'm physically drawn towards someone I once dated. I just haven't acted upon it yet because I don't feel like we're at the same maturity level. Poo... (So much for maturity, huh? Haha.) Although, I wouldn't mind hooking up. ;)

Applications, applications...

 I get so overwhelmed so quickly when I fill out applications. I've been working on my pretrial application for days now and I'm still not done with it. It's just that I question everything before I put it down and I quadruple check everything a billion times before I can allow myself to go on further. It's a big problem. Anyways, this application has to be sent it sometime before 5:00pm tomorrow, so I have to bring it to a finish ASAP. And after this application is finished, another opens up the day after - the ComCol application. I should have more time to work on that one.

Anyways, I just wanted to quickly update you on my life before dozing off. I'm planning to sleep early so I can wake up earlier and finish this application on time. Wish me luck. Ciao.

P.S. My Black Pearl Pepper plant needs a larger pot...

Plants.

After Mike gave me a Black Pearl Pepper plant, I slowly became interested in growing my own. Our trip to the Durfee Conservatory also exposed me to tons of new plants, where I discovered a species that is becoming a favorite of mine. They're called Kalanchoe. The ones I saw at Durfee were cactus-like and rose-looking. They were wonderful. Sadly, I haven't figured out their names yet. However, while I was researching them, I did stumbled upon a different species of theirs (image on the right). But as pretty as they are, I can't find their exact name either. It's okay though. I'll figure it out sometime.

Anyways, my discovery of all these plants just reminds me and justifies my opinion that common flowers, especially roses, really aren't the best, most romantic, or most lovely plant. There are so many other plants out there that are a dozen times more beautiful, last longer, and are more pleasant to have than the common rose.

I have yet to find a man who believes the same and delivers them. Ha!

//Edited

Echeveria perle von      &     Aeonium ‘Kiwi’ :)

Bad habit.

I have the habit of putting things off. Yes, I guess you can call that procrastinating, but I don't really see it that way. I tend to put things off because I'm nervous, shy, or feel uneasy/unconfident about things - like applying for jobs. A lot of the time, I feel like there are many people much more qualified than me, causing the little voice in my head to put me down. It makes me feel unproductive, seeing as all I end up doing is sitting and thinking, and not working on my application. I need to end this. Therefore, I'm going to call Bottomline tomorrow, hopefully get some help with writing a cover letter for a pre-trial internship, and submit my application to them by Friday (their deadline). I'm also planning to submit my Urban Outfitters application as well as pick more applications up from other stores this week.

I'm excited. I've realized that this issue is just part of my mentality. I tend to think too much and not take action. It used to be a big issue when I did my school work, except I fixed it in that situation. I guess I just need to fix it in this situation too. With that said, I'm going to finish filling out my application and think intensely about the pre-trial one. Ciao!

Fifi!

I love my cousin. I finally hung out with her today since the beginning of the year. Surprisingly, we didn't follow our normal routine and go shopping. We stayed in instead. Although, it wasn't the greatest idea since we just stuffed our faces and hung out inside. It was nice nonetheless.

What I realized during our time together was that the only person in my family whom I'm really close to is her. It's not that I don't talk to my other cousins. It's just that the person whom I'm most comfortable with is her. I feel that if I were to get into some deep trouble, I'd probably tell her - although she probably wouldn't help all the time. Haha. I do love her though. Her harsh, playful self brings out the craziness in me.

Anyways, not much happened today other than our hangout. It's sad to say this, but I didn't end up going to that concert I was planning to all week. It was just bad timing and I had too much stuff to lug with me there. It's okay though. I'm sure I'll get to see him sometime or another.

I'm finally going to fill out my Urban Outfitters job application now... And you should give the artist I wanted to see today a listen. Here's one of his songs:

Ferraby Lionheart 
Catch the Brass Ring
Small Planet

DM.

Today was a good day. I met some of Thomas's old friends, all of them being incredibly friendly and welcoming, and hung out with an old friend, David M.

We didn't do much but sing karaoke and wander, but it was enjoyable. It's just nice meeting new people. I've gotten so used to meeting people on a daily basis that it's weird when I don't. I feel like I've been seeking adventure for some time now. I like it. It keeps life interesting.

Although I had a great time with Thomas's friends, I have to say that the highlight of my night was seeing David. I feel like it was out of luck that we actually hung out with one another. It seems as if we always try to hang out yet never fall through with it. I blame him for being such a busy person. (Yes, you heard me David! Just kidding.) Anyways, we walked from Allston to Fenway updating one another on our lives. Well, it was more me updating him and him listening to me-for the most part at least. I've missed him, and it wasn't until our walk that I realized how much I did. I had forgotten how sweet of a guy he was. I forgot how easy it was to talk to him. It's weird because I've always felt comfortable around him. I can't remember a time when I didn't. It's a natural talent of his. I hope we hang out more often. And if you're reading this, we better! Call me when you're free, or whenever really. Love you lots! :)

Late Nights.

I've been staying up really late for the past two days. It's because I've been catching up on my TV shows and reading afterwards. I don't think I want to continue my vacation this way. I want to start sleeping early and waking up earlier. That way, I can have more sun in my day. It makes me happier. I also want to start running in the morning. I've been feeling quite lazy even on the day I ran. Although, it is only because running was the only thing I did. I miss the gym. I miss the bikes, the track, the weights, and the mats. I feel like such a sloth when I don't do my usual routine. I also feel that way because I eat a stupendous amount of food while I'm home. I literally turn into a couch potato. It's bad.

Anyways, I am still keeping up with my reading. I've basically been reading 50 pages a day. I also got my Urban Outfitters job application today! It turns out that I'm not late because they haven't openly started looking for workers yet. One of their employees told me she thinks they're about to start looking for people for the summer. I'm going to send my application in ASAP. I really hope I get the job. I think I might also apply for Victoria's Secret or maybe a store in the Galleria. I'm not so sure yet, but that's only because I wouldn't feel too comfortable changing my wardrobe to fit their dress codes. That's why I like Urban. I feel like you can dress however you want to there.

But that's all for now. I'm going to get ready for bed, read, and then sleep. I plan on having a good run tomorrow and hopefully go out later on. Au revoir!

P.S. I went to Y.E.S. today and Dave (the counselor) told me some guys were asking about me some time ago. Could it be Dave? The one that I'm practically in love with? It's weird because as much as I say I'm over him and as much as I'm trying to be, there are always some thoughts that make me remember the look he has when he sees me. But I know I just have to keep telling myself and reminding myself that he's not interested and that he and I hate one another's guts - more so I hate his guts than he does mine.

I also went to Northeastern to hang out with Thomas today and we ended up seeing so much wildlife outside of Curry! There was a turkey flying around in the trees as well as a squirrel carrying a baby squirrel in its mouth. Sad to say, the larger squirrel dropped the baby! But it's okay because the baby survived. It was scary though. We also saw their nest, which was at the top of the tree. Who knew all this went on right in Northeastern's backyard?

Classes.

I've been trying to finalize my Fall 2010 class schedule for what feels like months now. I'm slowly getting there seeing as I finally handed in my course override form on Tuesday to take Kinesiology 171: Anatomy and Physiology, but I'm still far from being satisfied with my classes. My main problem is not being able to get into the classes I want to. They're all either closed, restricted to majors/minors, or both.

Some classes I've really been trying to enroll in are English classes. I feel like I've always been interested in improving my English (reading and writing) and have considered becoming an English minor at the very least for a very long time. What I really want to do at the moment is to replace my PoliSci class, which counts as a History Gen Ed, with an English course. I figured I can wait until the Spring semester to fulfill my history requirement since I'm planning to study abroad in a French-speaking area and learn about their history instead.

I've noticed that I've gotten really serious about my studies this past semester. I've really been thinking about my majors, possible careers, etc. I think it's because I'm trying to figure myself out. After all, I am getting older and closer to entering the "real world."

I've been meaning to write about this for some time now but never found the time to. I've thought a lot about age and the belief that with age, comes wisdom. And even though I have said that I've always looked at myself as being mature for my age, I, now, do see my past self as naive. It's interesting because I never thought of myself to be that way at that point in time. I assumed I'd practically have the same mentality later on in life. I guess I was wrong. I wonder if anyone else feels the same - if they believe the quote that "the older you get, the wiser you become." After all, I remember the majority of early teenagers thinking the choices they made were right. I wonder if there are people who never realize it...

Break.

Today was the first day of my break. I didn't do much of anything at all. I basically just stayed home and ate like a couch potato. That's actually what I've been doing all week, except I studied for my finals instead of staying at home. I haven't even hit the gym all this time, which makes me feel gross. And now, since I no longer have a membership at the YMCA, nor am I at UMASS, I'm thinking I'll just run around the track near my house or around the beach. I can't wait.

Being on break also means that I have to start doing my goals, which I've already failed to do so already! I told myself I'd go get a job application at Urban Outfitters as soon as I got back home, but never did. It's okay though. I told myself I'd stay home since today is my mom's day off and it would be nice to have her in my presence for once. I will, however, go tomorrow... if my brother doesn't use his T-Pass. Anyways, I figured I should list my goals/plans out so I wont forget or miss any. Here goes:

• Read daily (at least 50 pages a day for Breaking Dawn)
• Reteach myself a little French
• Look/Apply for jobs
• Continue running (maybe be able to run continuously for 3 miles before the end of my break)
• Hang out with old friends
• Get over or get with Dave (It'll be one or the other... most likely get over)
• Apply to be in Commonwealth College (application comes out on May 22)
• Sell shoes I don't wear and my books
• Clean out my clothes
• Continue blogging (trying not to miss two days)

That's all I can think of for now. I'll update this list if I think of anything else. And since this is all typed out, that means I should get started on my reading! Ciao. :)

One down.

It's sad to say, but my freshman year is basically over. I have one more final to take at 1:30pm, and then I'm done. I also believe it's my last day, which means I'm leaving UMass at around midnight. My mom called me on Saturday to tell me she's probably driving up later on tonight. I'm excited to go home, but sad at the same time. I'm going to miss everything here, especially the atmosphere. It's so calming. But I do have to admit that I miss my friends back home. I can't wait to see them. It's also good that I'm leaving so soon so that I can start job hunting. I really want to find an artsy job, or one at a retail store such as Urban Outfitters. (I might've said all this information before.)

I'm not really sure what else to say. I've been studying my butt off at the library for the past three days. I just took my Oceanography final, which was at 8am, and I think I did well on it. The next one I'm taking is my Biology "final" which is more of an exam because I had three professors, and this is an exam for information only covered by the last one. I'm giving myself some relaxation time because I've just been studying too much and need a breather. Also, after my final, I've made plans with Mike (the person who bought me the Black Pepper plant) to eat a late lunch and check out the Durfee Conservatory since I haven't yet. I feel a little awkward hanging out with him because he is, I guess, a little awkward (in a good way), and I think he has a thing for me. I don't want him to get the impression that I like him as more than a friend, but he's also a cool guy and I don't want to not be friends with him. I don't know what to do. I'm just not good with guys - never was. Hopefully he'll forget about me in the summer.

But speaking of guys, I've noticed that I have a thing for dorky ones. Haha. So for the past semester or so, I've noticed this guy at the library. I always thought he was cute, but nothing more. I didn't know anything about him, never heard his voice, nothing. He was just eye candy. About a week or two ago, when I was at the library writing my paper late at night, he was there. And he spoke! He was trying to use some machine and spoke to a 3rd floor RA in my dorm. Boy, did his voice catch me by surprise. It was one of the dorkiest I've ever heard. All I could do was chuckle and marvel at it. After that, I've been seeing him at the library all the time. Apparently, he works here. We've also spoken to each other twice! Once because he asked me if my workstation was missing a number, and the second because I found headphones at the computer I was using and gave it to him to return at the lost and found (he was supervising the room I was in). Anyways, we have yet to speak again. Hopefully I'll still see him around next year. He seems like a sweet guy.

I have to get ready and leave now. I'm meeting Maddie outside (the library) at 1pm so we can walk to our Bio exam together. Adios, and I'll probably catch you in Boston. <3

Shit.

I feel like I've always acted mature for my age. And no, that doesn't make me feel like I'm better than those in the same age group as me. I'm just saying that I'm someone who can't really have the same type of "fun" others can have. In other words, I can't see myself doing things college freshmen do.

So, my weekend started off good. We all stayed in on Friday and just hung out in the dorm, drinking. Nothing big really went on. It was just a good time to relax, have fun, and not worry about work. Mike, on the 3rd floor, was also really sweet and bought me some type of Black Pepper plant, which I obtained when I was intoxicated. We all stayed up until Maddie came back from Andrew's fraternity event, and went to bed shortly after.

Saturday night, on the other hand, was the complete opposite of good. I had a feeling the night was going to be bad. I didn't even want to drink, but decided to anyways because it was going to be the last night everyone would be able to party. It was also a night where everyone dressed classy, and popped champagne. It didn't take long before everyone was drunk. There were hookups from left to right, people falling down to the floor, etc. After many people dispersed due to some issues, i.e. people crying and RA's knocking on Nick's door, we headed upstairs. I left Maddie with Mike, while I believe I went to get water with Matt. Once I got back onto the 2nd floor, I noticed Tim crying. I checked up on him and Sihem, who was watching over him, to see if they needed anyone and then was sent back to check on Maddie. I noticed the door closed, so I knocked. No one answered. All I heard were "Shh's" and whispers. I continuously knocked, and they just pretended they weren't there. I decided then to go back to Sihem's room to tell her what had just happened. She and Lindsay then decided to head down to Mike's room themselves and knock. After a while of knocking, Mike finally opens the door, saying something along the lines of "Wtf's going on with all the knocking. We're sleeping."

Bullshit.

What does he take me for? An idiot? I heard talking, whispers, "shh's." You know what I didn't hear? Mike's snoring. So yeah, sleeping? Think of a better excuse. Anyways, why am I so pissed? I'm pissed because Mike's been trying to get with Maddie all year now. And what has Maddie responded to him with? Rejection. So for all I know, he only wants to be in the same room as her at that moment because she is drunk to the point where she'd hook up with sketchy strangers, including him. For all I know, he's taking advantage of her. So before he or anyone says "FUCK everyone who kept trying to ruin the night," fuck him for trying to take advantage of my roommate. Also, I don't care if they said nothing happened. It's obvious things did. It's just unfortunate for them that they can't allow themselves to admit to it.

On the other hand, I did ask Maddie in the morning how she felt about me knocking on the door and if she would want me to do the same the next time that happened. She just responded by saying "Do what you want to do. If you feel like it's appropriate to knock, then knock. " She basically never gave me straight answers to my questions, so I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt that she wouldn't have minded being in that same situation with him again. Therefore, I owe him an apology.

I'm actually happy this situation happened because I now know that I don't have to keep an eye on her when she's drunk. I also know that if anything does happen in the future between her and anyone else, it's not my thing to tamper in.

Anyways, I'm done with this shit. This is why I fucking hate getting into people's lives. Everytime I take initiative, people get pissed at me. This is also why my friends tend to be guys. You have to worry too much about your girl friends. They can't seem to take care of themselves. I can't wait to get away from everyone here. I need to go back to my drama-less life back home before I kill myself here.

Hi.

I just realized I haven't been blogging lately! What's happening to me?! Actually, it's not that bad. It has only been about three days.

But it's not completely my fault. I've just been trying to study for my Soc exam, which was at 10:30am today. I think I did fine. It wasn't insanely hard. Also, as you may have assumed, classes are over. They ended on Tuesday, which means that after my last two finals next Tuesday, I'll be moving back home. I'll probably be back in Boston by Wednesday night.

I'm going to miss UMass so much over the summer. I'm not going to have a hill or vast amounts of open green fields anymore. I'm not going to be able to hang out with friends right outside the dorm or right outside my room, even. Everything's starting to hit me now, and I can really see that college is an experience - a great one. People definitely need to take advantage of living away from home in a completely new environment. It's so worth it.

Anyways, I spoke with my English teacher, Lauren, for my final (which is just a 15 minute English conference), and she said I should continue writing. Apparently, I have a sense of humor when I write. It's weird because I never noticed it until this class. She also recommended two English classes for me to take in the future and to apply to Commonwealth Honors College, which is something I'm very much interested in. I really want to up my game. I feel like I need to continue challenging myself, forcing me to spend my time wisely, and take my education more seriously. It feels good when I challenge myself. Along with that, she said she'd recommend me some books over the summer because I have to seriously start reading more. She's such an awesome teacher. I'm definitely going to try to keep in touch with her. She's really given me a lot more confidence in my writing. Maybe I'll even minor in English. I've wanted to for some time now.

Anyways, I'm going to take a nap. I really need one. Today is my relaxing day. I want to party, but there probably isn't much going on later. Maybe some people will be celebrating Thirsty Thursday? Maybe? Yes? Let's just hope so. Ciao!

Oh, Gym.

Running and going to the gym was much needed yesterday. I ran around campus, which is a little over two miles, went back to the gym, biked for fifteen minutes, used the leg press and the leg adductor, and then ran two rounds around the gym's indoor track to end my workout. It was insane how much I sweat. My towel was entirely moist by the time I finished. It also wasn't just my face that was dripping with sweat, but my arms too! Sweat was coming out of the pores on my arm! Maybe I just haven't worked out that hard in a really long time, but I'm sure I've done that same workout before. It might've also been the temperature in the gym that added to all my sweating.

Anyways, I felt so calm and relaxed after that workout. I swear, nothing would've bothered or irritated me after that - not even a bug landing on me. Because of that experience yesterday, I was reminded of why I wanted to become a KIN major, or a masseuse even - to help people relax (through working out and becoming a healthier person). At least, that's what I hope majoring in Kinesiology will help me do.

On another note, classes are almost over. I only have two more to attend to - Anthro, which is tonight, and Oceanography, which is tomorrow. Then, I have a final on Thursday, which means I'll be studying my ass off tonight and for the next two days.

I told my mom about moving out and she said she'd try and get me either Tuesday night, or sometime Wednesday, hopefully. I'm excited to go home. I'm definitely going to miss Van Meter and everyone here, but that disagreement with Maddie just made everything weird. I think it was mainly the way she responded to it that night and morning. I mean, we're basically okay now, but the experience just threw me off. I am, however, excited to hang out with Thomas, Paul, my cousin, and others too. It's been so long since I've seen them. I'm also excited to work. Hoepfully I'll find an artsy job, one at UrbanOutfitters or another retail shop. I've been searching on Craigslist and found one that specialized in typography, which I'd kill to work for even though I wouldn't get paid. I just want the experience, and credit, if anything. I also want to read a lot this vacation. I've probably said that before, but yes, I still do.

I'm excited for the nice weather. It's sunny once again. It rained a bit earlier, but it shouldn't anymore. I'm going to head out for dinner now. I'm hungry, and it's really cold in the library. Anyways, ciao! Je t'aime beaucoup.

Issues.

There are times when I feel so unwanted. I've realized that that's the reason why I find comfort in guys. That's why I have urges to call them, talk to them, be with them. I know it's wrong. I'm basically using them. It's a bad habit - one that I'm now trying to break.

Last night, something happened between Maddie and I, although it really wasn't a big thing, I guess she took it more heavily than me.

So, we were outside because she and Sihem wanted to play basketball. Shaina was with us. After playing, we were about to head back into the dorm, when Maddie and Sihem decided to pee on the hill - which they did.

Honestly, I wouldn't have been against it if they peed on the other little hill, but they just had to pee at the area where we previously walked on. It's also a heavily utilized part of the hill, which means other people will most likely walk on their pee. I don't know how you feel about that, but I just thought it was extremely inconsiderate, especially when the bathroom was right inside of the dorm.

Needless to say, after coming back into the dorm, I was no longer in the mood to drink. And knowing me, I only drink when I'm in the mood. After I told Sihem and everyone else in the room that, they found the need to defend themselves that it was for just for fun, it was stupid for me to be mad at them for it, and that I shouldn't take it personally. A couple minutes after, Sihem whispered something to Maddie. They then left to Madeline and Tara's room, leaving Cheyenne and me in the room. After talking and hanging out for a while, Cheyenne goes to the bathroom, which is when everyone dashes out of Maddie and Tara's room to catch the bus for Hobart. Without even telling me, Maddie and Sihem decided to go.

After that happened, I had the biggest urge to call Nemat... I had a big feeling he'd be partying or doing something fun since (I believe) he took his MCAT that morning, but I didn't. I saw my tendencies of using men - only going to them when I needed comforting - so I didn't. I decided not to text him. With that decided, I just hung out with Cheyenne, played some frisbee, and chilled with others. When Maddie and Sihem came back, I quickly realized that Maddie payed no attention to me. She'd notice and point everyone out in the room, but not me. After a while of being in Larry and Kris' room and going though that, I decided to go to bed. It wasn't doing me any good to be in her presence. I also had the huge belief that because Maddie was avoiding me, she'd end up sleeping in Sihem's room, which I was right of.

So, it is obviously Sunday today. All Maddie did was come into the room, I said "Hello," she said "Hi" back, and never spoke one word until she had to use her dryer, which she asked if it would be okay for her to use. And when people knocked on the door, she enthusiastically welcomed them and everything. Yep. So I guess that's what she does when she's mad at people.

I decided not to go to breakfast because I have to run and blow off all these emotions. It's been so long since I've ran because of my stubbed toe. This is so much needed at the moment. I'm making this a day for myself... I'll catch you later. <3