Uncertainty.

Broken down and hungry for your love
With no way to feed it
Where are you tonight?
Child, you know how much I need it.
Too young to hold on
And too old to just break free and run.
Jeff Buckley - Lover, You Should've Come Over

These lyrics summarize my feelings at the moment.

I hung out with Nick and the others last night. I found out a couple more things about him. One that suck out the most was the fact that he really doesn't care about sex if he finds the girl he loves. Raf, on the other hand, disagrees. This is what separates him from other guys. It just reinforces my feelings for him even more. I love knowing he's a great guy, but at the same time I hate it. I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve at the moment, with no certainty that he has any feelings for me whatsoever... and it's scary. I don't think I've ever felt this way or done this with any guy before. I've never been so unsure someones feelings. I'm afraid I'm beginning to fall too head over heels for him. He's going to end up being one of those guys I might never get over. I guess this uncertainty is building up due to the fact that he hasn't made a direct move.

Am I supposed to continue telling myself there's so much time ahead of us? That our friendship has just began and I should get to know him better? What if he finds another girl or doesn't even remotely like me? What am I supposed to do? I can't change his feelings towards me. It's just hard thinking he may like someone else...

I feel like I'm afraid of this thing called 'fate'. I don't want to let it declare my future... but is this even something I can alter?