Swamped.

I been feeling so overworked for the past couple days. I think it's this final English essay that's been dragging me down. I haven't felt as tired as I felt yesterday for the longest time. I can't believe I had to ditch my weekly rituals, such as the library and gym just to nap. I'll tell you that that doesn't happen often.

I think it's also because I've been sleeping late. I haven't gone to bed before 3AM for the past couple days. It might also be because of the two hours of sleep I got Saturday night. I think that was the start of all this lack of energy.

Anyways, I'm at the library right now trying to make up for my odd day yesterday. The downside is that I'm sitting next to these two tools that are constantly talking obnoxiously to one another. They're not even trying to whisper. Such assholes. They're like girls who can't refrain from babbling.

Well, I'm done complaining. I just finished my English work that's due for my conference at 4:30PM today. Now I have to read for Anthro. I can't wait to get away from all this jibber jabber. It feels good to be productive but at the same time it's a drain. I can't wait to go to the gym later on so I can expend all the bottled up feelings I have towards the guys sitting next to me, and some people who are becoming (or have been) assholes.


Chao.

Date.

He intended to watch a movie at the theaters, but I stated borrowing one would be better, so we did. At around 8:45PM, he picked me up and we drove to the redbox at the Big Y. When driving there, we realized we entered the parking lot through the wrong side, requiring us to exit and go around. But before exiting the parking lot, he suddenly makes a stop and hops out of his car to get wine. Isn't that sweet? (Even though I had no intention of drinking on a Monday night.) I thought it was. Anyways, after that, we got to the redbox and browsed through movies. It was difficult finding a movie seeing that almost all the movies I was interested in were ones he'd already seen, and all the movies he was interested in were ones I had already seen. Due to this inconvenience, I decided to end this madness, so we settled for Saw VI even though I hadn't seen the fifth one.

The movie was good. We had a few laughs here and there after he saw my way of reacting to gory, grotesque parts. I also stayed a bit longer so we could talk and just get to know one another better - not just watch a movie and depart. I found out that he has three older sisters, and is really close to his family. I also feel that he considers his little brother from Big Brothers Big Sisters as an actual little brother. The reason why I came to this conclusion was because he went to Mexico during Spring Break and came back with gifts for his family - his mother, sisters, and little brother. The fact that he actually calls him his little brother, instead of Jonathan, almost all the time just justifies my belief even more. I also found out about his dream job and what he really wants to be instead of a doctor. It's the cutest thing ever - an astronaut. I love it. Haha. Anyways, I left his house at around 1:15AM since it was getting late.

I'd say it was a good date. It was fun. It's interesting how I feel so comfortable around him. It's either because he's just that great, or because I've grown out of my shell. He mentioned a second date, which I believe he wanted to occur sometime this week. Once again, to bring up my odd feelings about him, I do feel like we're almost seeing one another too much so soon into this. Again, I'm not sure why I feel this way. At the same time, I do look forward to our next date. It's just that (the only way I can describe it as is this "odd feeling) that odd feeling is getting in the way a bit. Maybe we won't actually have a date date, but something like a lunch date or a dinner date. I'd be perfectly fine with that. For some reason, I just really like talking to him and getting to know him better, and I think a food date would be a good one for that.

Anyways, I have a Bio exam tomorrow and also biblical annotations to write and a paper to figure out. Catch you later.<3

P.S. I went to see his presentation today with Maddie at Campus Center. It was something like a science fair. He presented his senior thesis to us and answered all the questions we had about it. I could also tell he really appreciated us coming because he thanked me a couple times last night. I feel like he's really different because the the average person wouldn't seem so thankful. But yep. That's him. :)

P.P.S. I woke up so tired today. Luckily I only had one class. I'd usually go to the gym and library after that class, but because I haven't been so exhausted in such a long time, I decided to head to the library and skip the gym to take a nap. I feel bad for skipping the gym, but it was completely worth it. Also, I went to the gym on Saturday, which is something I don't normally do, so I guess that made up for it a bit. I think I might try and squeeze some time to go tomorrow anyways.

Weekend madness.

After the whole Friday night madness, even more drama occurred. Apparently, it was supposed to be Ashley's birthday weekend, but almost everyone "forgot" and left her. Instead, they got high/drunk, or left her. She ended up going to her room alone because of that. After realizing that happened, Maddie, Sihem, and I decided to take initiative and find a party we could all go to. Within seconds, we managed to find one, tagging along with Tom and Mike to Fearing Street. But before leaving, I noticed I got a text. From who? Nemat! Since it took him a while to answer, we left to go to Fearing and decided to hop parties if Nemat had one. After an hour or two at Fearing, Nemat and I texted back and forth seeing what we were both up to. It turned out that he was party hopping and heading to Fearing. To my surprise, he ended up at the house we were at! We were actually really lucky we saw him there because his phone died. If not, we most likely wouldn't have seen one another.

Anyways, after seeing him, we (Maddie, Sihem, Nemat, Morgan, and I) decided to leave and head to Kyle's house. It was around 2AM at that time and surprisingly, the party had already ended. When we got to the house, all that was left was empty beer bottles and cans. He did, however, still have tons of alcohol left. We all just took shots and headed over to Nemat's for a small after party. There wasn't much going on except a little Dominican dance party. It was cute. Everyone danced a bit and we ended up taking more shots a couple minutes after we got there. I took a half shot of some beverage at first, but it wasn't enough for everyone. They wanted me to take another, but I refused unless Sihem took one with me since I've never drunken more than 1.5. She took my offer, and we all took another full shot. By then, it was around 3AM. I knew I was tipsy even after my first, but who new I'd be drunk after 2.5 shots! Haha. I believe I knew I was drunk when I couldn't hold myself up after laughing uncontrollably when Maddie and Sihem reenacted Morgan and Ashley dancing in the most absurd way. It was hilarious. Also, to confirm my drunkenness even more, I started feeling sick, and that's right. I threw up... in front of Nemat. Yep. Haha. But he was really nice about it. When I was cold, he wrapped a blanket around me, and even brought me orange juice because he thought it would help with my sickness. Also, since I didn't want orange juice, he went to get me water. He was really sweet. It's unfortunate how he had to see me throw up, but the fact that he stayed with me before, during, and after showed a lot about him. Oh, by the way, we hooked up. Haha. The entire time we were together, Maddie and Sihem we all mushy gushy about us being together, saying that they approved of him. Those girls. Also, not only did I hook up, but so did Ashley and Morgan (if you didn't get the memo earlier about the dancing).

Anyways, I ended up staying over at Nemat's since I knew I just couldn't get back to the dorm comfortably, so the girls left together. They felt comfortable leaving me there because everyone could see what a good guy he was. He even offered to give me his bed and sleep on the couch! How sweet is that? Obviously, I didn't let him do that. We stayed up chatting until about 6AM and woke up earlier than we both thought. When I woke up, I swore it was noon. It was really 8AM (most likely almost 9AM). It was odd how re-energized I felt. I couldn't even go back to sleep until about 10AM. I finally went back to sleep until about 11:30AM, which was when he set his alarm so we could both wake up and eat breakfast with the gang. We got there at noon, which is a lot earlier than when we would normally eat. Because of that, only a couple people got to meet him. Also, it was because he had to leave at around 1AM for his Triathlon practice.

To sum this all up, we're planning to go on a mini date later today. Sadly, the weather isn't the greatest so we can't go anything outside. We resorted to watch a movie (preferably at his apartment because watching movies in theaters for a date is somewhat lame to me), but it'll be good nonetheless because that's just the type of guy he is. I hate to say this, but I'm just somewhat excited. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I know that I noticed him at first and he stuck out to me, but I feel different now. It's probably because of my Spring Break and my encounter with Dave. I feel like I just have to go through with Dave. You know, go out with him, get sick of him, and end it. I feel like I need that closure, or for him to at least not give me the extra attention he doesn't give to other girls. It's messing with my brain and my future relationships.

I have to do work now. I'm not sure when our date's going to end, so I'm going to do as much work as I can before. I'll update you tomorrow or something. Chao. <3

Sex.

It's interesting to hear what people think about it - to find how whether or not they value it or what it means to them, if it means anything.

Yesterday was an interesting night. Due to privacy issues, I won't name any names, but what I will say is that people had, in fact, had sex. Both for different reasons and both with different backgrounds. Knowing one person, it was somewhat expected. They were just looking to get with someone, and it was basically normal. The other, on the other hand, had came back with a random person and lost their virginity to them. The fact that they just met this person and had sex with them, for the first time, just makes me question their values. Not only do I question their values, but just peoples in general. I don't understand how some people can just fuck someone they just met, especially if they met them from a frat. Do they think about their health - whether or not that person may have an STD if they too are willing to screw someone they just met? Do people even question anything about getting with a stranger? Or are their sexual desires more important? Does anyone even think about this or am I just being an uptight asshole?

Anyways, with that said, my Friday was okay. I think my night would've been better if I had taken a nap. I went to a house party, but was just too tired to enjoy much. I didn't even feel like drinking because I wasn't in the mood. I mean, the party was chill and all, nothing close to being as good as Nemat's, but it was still a good party. It was just too enclosed. Everyone was already friends with everyone and we were the only outsiders. The girls just hung out with the girls too. They didn't seem approachable, but the guys were pretty cool. The problem was that I wasn't in much of a social mood, which made me enjoy it a lot less. I did get a lot of cantabs though! There was also a guy who showed Maddie a stash of cantabs and helped her collect them for me! How sweet. :) What made the party a lot better for me, was the fact that Kyle was there! He was only there for a split second, but he was there! Haha. It's so weird how out of all the parties I go to, which is really none, I see Kyle. I don't know why, but as cute, adorable, and hot as he is, I feel somewhat awkward around him. I'm never sure what to say when I'm with him. I'd totally hit him up sometime just to hang, but I just need to get myself together.

So, since it's Saturday today and I decided to have the day to myself, I headed to the library after breakfast. And speaking of who I saw yesterday, I just so happen to bump into him today. Apparently, he's a tour guide. So as I'm walking towards the library, I see a mass of people standing outside, obviously getting a tour, but as I get closer to the group, I hear someone talking - a man standing ontop of a bench. I keep walking, getting closer and closer, and soon realize that that man is Kyle. Once again, out of all the tour guides at UMass and at all times of day and night, I see him once again. What are the odds? Haha. It's a small world out there.

Anyways, I have to end this post here so I can do some more research for my English paper and my Anthro project. Then I'm going to hit the gym later. This will be my first time working out on a weekend at UMass! I'm so excited. I'll catch you later. Have a nice Saturday! <3you!

P.S. I finally changed my profile picture! Molly took this picture of me with my phone that night when I was Skyping with Paul.

Oreo Thin Crisps.

They're amazing. 100 Calories, and so satisfying. Speaking of Calories, I'm really considering becoming a Kinesiology major and possibly major/minor in Diet and Nutrition. I've been interested in nutrition and overall health for quite some time now. I've also noticed that I am a lot more interested in the human body and its functions compared to others. I'm planning to talk to someone about that major sometime soon to find out what I may be getting into.

To followup on what I said before, about my previous dream about Dave, I'm here to tell it now. Honestly, it's pretty stupid and weird, as a good number of dreams may be, but the fact that he was in it just made it even more weird. I don't even remember talking about him during that time. Anyways, here goes nothing.

My mom bought me this guitar that was slim, and I loved it. I planned to meet up with her at the train station after coming from my cousins house, and got there earlier than she did. Once I got onto the platform, I saw Dave. I walked towards him, who was all dressed in blue - a blue jersey, blue shorts, and long blue socks that pulled all the way up to his knees. He kind of looked like a baseball player. Anyways, we sat together for a minute or two, and I believe he tried playing my guitar. Suddenly, a train comes, and I feel the need to hop onto it with him. I immediately run and find a place to put my guitar, acting as if it's like a bike, except instead of a bike lock, I'm looking for a place to lock my guitar. In a rush, I toss it into a grassy area and run to get into the train. Seeing as I made it, I'm relieved, but as soon as the train starts running, I panic. The train was going backwards. It went backwards past the previous stop, only to go in a circle, back to the stop I was just at. So many thoughts go through my head - I a horrible person for leaving my mom and brother, she's going to be disappointed and angry that I just threw my new guitar away, and that I'm completely stupid for doing such a thing. Once the train gets back to the stop, I run off and search for the guitar. And instead of being in a grassy field, I'm actually in a place that looks like a train station, except it's "closed" with white sheets hanging from the ceiling to ground, as if it's under construction. I search frantically until I see a worker and ask if he's found a guitar. Thankfully, he found it and gave it back to me. I thanked him and ran back to my mom and brother, who were both standing at the platform near a train that just arrived. They both looked really happy with smiles plastered onto the faces. Sadly, I didn't see Dave and thought he left, but it turns out that he was just a bit further down the platform. He had gotten off when I did and waited for me to come back. After seeing him, I headed towards him with every intention to introduce him to my mom and brother. Then I woke up.

Gentleman's Woman.

It feels good to be productive. I feel like I utilized my time so well today. After my classes, I went to the library and worked, then ate, went back to my dorm, showered, and went downstairs to the 24-hour quiet room to study until now. I've studied for almost three hours down here – more if you include the time I spent studying at the library. I hope I do well on my exam tomorrow. I basically reviewed and went over all the slides online. Wish me luck!

Anyways, something happened during dinner today and I know not to take it seriously, but it just reminds me of why I enjoy the company of men and why my closest friends are guys. There's something about guys that makes me feel more comfortable, and myself when I'm around them. I don't care if I'm acting dumb or being “gross”, as some girls may consider it. I rarely find things to be gross. I actually find it weird that some people find everyday things to be “gross”. I feel like there's some immaturity in thinking that way.

Having said that, and thinking that many girls are bitchy, if you will, I wonder if guys think I'm the same type of girl. Am I different from other girls or am I just another one of them - the one guys think are bitchy and everything else they see girls to be? Am I worse for thinking I may be different? Is there a difference between girls who have more guy friends than girls versus those who have mainly girl friends? What do people imply if a female has more male friends?

It's one of those odd questions that randomly spur upon me, but really, someone (preferably male) please answer this. I'm dying to know.

Dreams.

I had a dream last night. I didn't remember about it until I was in my English class. Even now, I can't figure out the complete story, but I know it was about Dave. I wonder what it means. What do dreams tell you?

It just hit me. I had a dream about him last semester, and I think I actually wrote about it. I guess not. I just snooped around my older posts and didn't find anything. I did, however, write it down on a post-it note. It's in my room somewhere. The reason for that was because Maddie always had dreams last semester, and after talking to her about dreams one night, I had a dream about Dave. I wanted to tell her and remember it, so I had to write it down right when I woke up. The weird thing about dreams is that they fade. Somehow, we forget about them unless we think about them right when we wake up. And because I wrote it down that time, I can still remember it.

I think it was a good dream, leaving me happy, as I believe last nights was as well. I really want to remember what happened and also tell you about my past dream about him, but I'll update you some other time seeing as I have to study for an Oceanography exam that's tomorrow. I might post up my past dream later, but I can't promise you anything. Just keep tabs. :) <3!

Today's song is a happy one! I love this song as well as the band. Check them out.

The Almost
Monster Monster
Souls on Ten

Vermicelli cravings.

I'm at the library. To the right of me is this guy that's coughing in my direction. To the left of me is this girl whose quietly sitting there. After the guy on my right stops coughing, the girl to my left immediately sneezes a silent achoo. How magnificent. Haha. I wanted to laugh so badly but then I'd just look weird. (I don't even know if you understood my story, but that's okay.)

So I was talking to Maddie yesterday and telling her about this movie/book called The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. Think twice before you ask me what it's about. Why? Because it turns out that I'm much worse at telling stories than I thought I was. I just couldn't do it. It was the worst thing ever. I don't even know if she understands what it's about now. Haha. Also, I was (attempting) to refresh her memory about Eclipse, and just forgot tons of peoples names, such as Bella, whom is one of the main characters, and the Volturi. I need to brush up on my story telling... asap.

On another note, I talked for Paul for about the first time in three months last night, and let's just say each month was summarized in an hour. Yes... we talked for a long time. It was a good update though. Sadly, I don't think he's going to be able to stop by Amherst unless he comes this weekend, which is unlikely. That's okay though. We only have about a month and a half left of classes until our vermicelli meals. Speaking of vermicelli, I'm hungry now. I went to the gym earlier, so I'm not really running on anything right now... except an apple and an orange. Anyways, I'm going to quickly finish my English homework and head to Franks. There's sushi tonight! By the way, did I ever mention I'm planning to write my English paper on whether or not there's such thing as love at first sight? Or if it really is love at first smell? Confused? I hope so! It'll be interesting.

<3 you! Over and out.

P.S. I forgot to tell you that I probably won't link songs as often while I'm here, seeing as I don't listen to much music here. However, I was at the gym today and heard an old song. It's now stuck in my head so I thought I'd just post it. Here goes.

The Police
Ghost in the Machine
Every Little Thing She Does is Magic

Chit Chat.

I'm back in Amherst. It feels as if I'm in another world here. I completely forgot about blogging last night. I actually forgot about it until now. It's weird how this place really makes you forget about everything - all but Dave, at least. Nonetheless, I feel like I'm in a fantasy world.

Sadly, I have to cut this post short for now. Its time for my early Monday dinner before my 6:30PM class. I have a Skype date with Paul later. I'm excited to catch up with him! So far, his Spring Break sounded amazing - like an actual Spring Break away from home and everything. I'm happy he got relaxation time. Anyways, I'll update you later. Chao!

Come one day.

I texted him knowing I wont get a text back... but I did it. I couldn't leave without trying to see him again. I just had to make it known - make him know - that I wanted to see him.

I just came back from eating at Texas Roadhouse and as I sat in the back of the car, I finally found something I missed about the city - the lights. They're almost like the stars in Amherst, just its replacements. And I hate to say it, but even after seeing the beautiful city once again, all I could think about was him and how I wish I was sharing that moment with him. I wish he'd respond to my text and come sit on top of the hill with me.

I was wrong. He just texted me but he's too tired to go out. I wish he would... but it is almost 1AM. My fault for that. I think I'm still going out to take a breather though. Last night in Boston, last night to soak in the city. I'll see you back in Amherst. <3

Tonight's song:

William Fitzsimmons
Until When We Are Ghosts
Funeral Dress

Spilling the Beans.

It's a hard thing to do - admitting your interest for someone at least. That's right. I finally told Trinh. I told her how long it's been, when it started, the general information. She had no idea. I wonder if anyone has or had any idea. I wonder if he told anyone - if there is anything for him to tell... I hate how this always happens. Whenever I see him, especially if it's been some time since, my feelings always come back as soon as I lay eyes on him. I feel like it's the same for him. At least, that's what it seems... He always puts on that face of his - that smirk, that smile before I run over for a hug. It gives me butterflies.

I don't know how I'm ever going to get over him. I thought long and hard over this and came up with the conclusion that it's time for me to ask. I have to know why he's holding back - why he's always been holding back. Why nothing has happened between us after all this time. I have to know what he's been waiting for or if he even feels the same. I'm so afraid - nervous to finally hear the answers. But I have time... about two/three months. I wonder what he's going to say. It would be funny if he's in a relationship at that time. It always seems to be the case whenever anything is attempted. We'll see. Two/Three months.

So tomorrow/today is basically going to be my last day to hang out in Boston. I was talking to this guy named Kyle whom I met on the train today and he mentioned being at Porter Square earlier on in the day. It reminded me of this cafe around there area called Diesel Cafe. Thomas and I are planning to grab lunch there tomorrow for the first time. I definitely recommend checking the place out even if you aren't going to order anything. It's wonderful. Anyways, Kyle and I were reminiscing about the good ol' days when transportation fares were fifty cents and when tokens existed. We had a nice conversation - a good look in the past that I needed. Hopefully we'll bump into one another in the near future.

Well, that was my day - filled with deep conversations and remembrances. It was relaxing and thought provoking. I definitely enjoyed it. I also got to see Alan and a few others, which was nice. I've missed them.

Anyways, here's my song for the night:

Jimmy Eat World

Futures 

Work

I chose it because it gives me a little flash back to the past seeing as it's been a while since its been released and since I've heard it. Enjoy.
<3always.

Suppression.

I feel at ease when I'm around him. It's almost as if nothing else exists when he's by my side, as if I'm in another world. It's only him that's there and I can stay in that place forever.

There's only one problem: he's holding back... We're both holding back, but I don't know why. Little things have happened in the past but it was always he who chose to discontinue them. It makes me uneasy, questioning every action I want to make - every action I yearn to make.

Saying goodbye was exceptionally hard today. Knowing there'd be about another three months until I'd get to see him again made leaving unbearable. The thought of it still aches. I feel like he's all I'm missing when I'm in Amherst. I swear, if it weren't for the incredible atmosphere there, I'd miss him even more. It's like my natural medication. I'm just lucky everything there dulls my problems down.

All in all, I think he enjoyed the Open Mic Night (even though it ended an hour earlier than it was supposed to). I hope he enjoyed it. We both got a free CD from one of the performers: Jon Palmer & The New Complainers. You should check them out. "Radio" easily became a favorite of mine. After the show ended, we just sat and talked until the Thomas' came. Once they did, we played pool, teaming up against them and somehow managing to beat them the both times we played. It was fun and exciting seeing as I made my first hole and last of the games', shooting the eight-ball in. So exciting! I got a hug for that. Haha. After pool, he left and the Thomas' and I went to Kevin's dorm and played some Tekken for a bit. It was fun. I kicked Thomas' butt. :)

Spring break has passed by pretty quickly. It sucks that it's almost over, but I am somewhat excited to go back to Amherst. I've had a lot of fun already and have seen two out of the three people that are of dire importance to me. I wish I could've seen Paul, but I know he's alive, well, and busy, so it's okay. I just miss our vermicelli extravaganza's. I can't seem to bring myself to eat it with anyone else. I also wish I could've seen my cousin and a couple others, but I know they'll still be right there waiting for me to get back.

With all this said, here's my song of the night. I like how I'm getting into this habit of linking songs. They tend to express how I'm feeling. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. Tonight's is:

Snow Patrol

Final Straw

Run

Good Day.

It was gorgeous out today. It felt like a nice summer day. Actually, it felt like a perfect day. Not too hot, not too cold. A buttoned down flannel over a tank top was all you needed.
As I mentioned before, I went to Y.E.S. today/yesterday. To my surprise, Dave came shortly before I was going to leave. As always, it was wonderful to see him. We hugged, and then he lead me over to the art gallery where we talked for a bit. It was nice... and unbelievable how much he made me smile. I just couldn't stop. He also showed me his new bike. He's in love with it. It's his baby. I wonder if there's anything that means more to him than that bike - if he'd give his bike up for anything. He was talking about how he almost fell flat on his face when he was riding it the other day and what the first thing he checked when he picked himself up wasn't himself, but his bike. Haha. Typical Dave and his materialistic items. It's a problem. Anyways, I told him I had to leave to go to the Post Office to mail my financial aid papers and he ended up walking me there. It was a nice walk - funny. I didn't have an exact idea where the Post Office was and almost walked into the wrong building, making a complete fool out of myself... haha. We had a good laugh.

Also, before leaving Y.E.S., we asked one another about our plans for the night and tomorrow. He said he was free and I told him how I'm going to this Open Mic Night thing at Northeastern (tomorrow) and asked if he could join me. Seeing as he's Dave and I'm me, there's no way I can say no. I'd kill for any moment to hang out with him. I know I sound desperate for him, but I'm not... It's weird. I think it's just because I know that there's this instant connection I get from him and there's no way I can control it. As hard as I try to fight it, it doesn't let loose. Anyways, my point to bring that up was to say that I'm finally going to really hang out with him once again outside Y.E.S. If you haven't noticed yet, this rarely happens.

So... we finally get to the Post Office, and see that the line is pretty long. I tell him it's okay for him to leave since Y.E.S. closes at six and his friend is there (I think), but he insists on staying. All of a sudden, he puts on his straight face and says "I'm leaving to go to Texas in May." and two seconds later, he chuckles. At first, I was frightened. When I heard "leaving" and "Texas", I thought (1) he was leaving for good, and (2) I only had two months left with him. After he laughed, I thought he was pulling a huge prank on me to see how I'd react, but he wasn't. He's really going to Texas, but it's not for long - four days, I believe. He was chosen to speak in front of people there for some reason I don't remember. It's cute. I can tell he's turned everything around and is taking his education seriously now. It shows character.

After leaving the Post Office, he walks me back to what turns out to be the wrong side of the train station, and hugs and kisses me on the cheek goodbye. Knowing me and knowing he's Dave, I walk aimlessly down to the train station with the cheesiest smile plastered onto my face. Boy, did I have the biggest butterflies ever known to man in me. Everything was just so difficult to consume... and the biggest thing that seemed to have happened was a kiss on the cheek. Haha. I feel 5-years-old all over again.

Anyways, I met up with Thomas after and we ended up talking a lot throughout the night. It was nice. I miss being without him in school. I feel like an asshole though. It was just supposed to be Thomas and I at the open mic, but I told Dave he could come. I don't know. I just feel like I can't give up the time I can get to be with Dave for anything. It's his first Open Mic Night too! How could I say no to that?! I hope Thomas understands... I'd do the same for him. Plus, there'll be more Open Mic Nights and more events to come. I'm sure of it. But still, I'm sorry Thomas! I hope you like him though...

It's late. I hope tomorrow goes well. Goodnight<3

-----------------------------------------------

 Today's song:
Peter Bjork and John

Writer's Block

3. Young Folks

Eclipse Nevermore!

I finally finished reading Eclipse last night! It's taken me so long to read it. I'd say... a year at max. I'm so happy I did it. That book surprised the hell out of me. I never thought such things would happen at the end. I can't wait to read Breaking Dawn now. So excited!

Anyways, I hung out with Thomas yesterday. It was fun. They have this thing at Northeastern called afterHOURS and it's basically a place where people can sign up and play music to others. It's awesome. I'm planning to go back Thursday for their open mic night.

Well, I just wanted to give you an update on my day yesterday. It sucks because I completely forgot to take pictures! I'm such a loser. I'm mad at myself for forgetting. I'll try again today. It's 60 degrees out and I still have to photocopy taxes! Gr! My attempt failed yesterday which means I have to lug a bag out once again. Sucks. Anyways, it's time for me to get ready and go. I'm stopping by Y.E.S. today, then hanging out with Thomas again (I think). Chao! :)

Peanut Butter Postal Service.

So I'm sitting in front of my computer once again eating peanut butter and listening to The Postal Service. I log onto Facebook and see that Dave is on. I click his name and start typing.

As I waited for a response from him, I realized... I've only really tried keeping in touch with three people. I mean, I've talked to others, but three have always been on my mind - Dave being one of them. I don't understand what it is about him that makes me constantly think about him. I've talked to Maddie about this and she brought up her moms belief that we're attracted to people because of their scent. Their scent? Yeah... I know what you're thinking. Her mom must be on some type of drugs, right? Nope. A couple weeks later, I learn in my Biology class that there's something in the opposite sex we're automatically attracted to - in certain members at least. It's some type of odor our bodies give off. As weird as it sounds, I guess Dave has that odor I'm attracted to... and it's pretty freakin' strong! I can't help but find myself crawling back to him even when he's not around. And when he is around? Boy, I feel like I'd drop any guy for him...

I hate that he has that affect on me. It's scary getting that uncontrollable urge whenever I'm around him. It makes me feel as if I'm never going to be able to be with anyone other than him. It worries me so much... but I guess that once I find a guy who makes me forget about him and lose that urge, I'll know he's worth every penny.

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It's a beautiful day. The sun's out so I guess it's my time to leave before it sets. As always, <3.

P.S. Song of the moment:

The Postal Service (Website)
Give Up
District Sleeps Alone Tonight 

Uneventful.

Vacation's been quite bland for me. I've spent another day doing nothing. I hardly even read today. I just ate tons of junk food and sat in front of the computer screen catching up on my TV shows. How sad. It's okay though. Once it stops raining, which is tomorrow (really today), I'll be wandering out and about. I have to photocopy papers for my taxes anyways.

Surprisingly, something I've really been wanting to do is go jogging/running. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I've given myself the goal to be able to run two miles continuously by the end of the semester. I'm sure it's not that hard seeing as I've done around 1.5 sometime last year, but it's difficult for me to take it on mentally. I have this issue where I only do 1 mile before calling it quits. It's partially because I'm running indoors, but I know I can do it nonetheless.

On another note, I've been looking for something fun to do. I've been in an adventurous mood all day today. I want to do something crazy - something I normally wouldn't want to do. I want to dare and take a risk. Honestly, I kind of just want to make out with someone I've always wanted to... except I've always wanted to do that. Haha. I wonder how people can just make out with random people. Don't they ever question whether or not they're clean? What if they have some contagious virus or infection? The thought of that just grosses me out. I wish I was someone who didn't think of these things so I could just go all out, but at the same time, I'm glad I do so I don't put myself at risk for anything.

Anyways, Thomas and Paul called me today and I missed both of them! I'm such an asshole for missing Paul's especially since I know he's always busy and if he actually called, that meant he found time to talk! :( If you're reading this, sorry Paul! If anyone knows me or has actually tried calling me, they've probably learned the hard way that I have a tendency to abandon my cellphone when I'm home doing nothing.

It's hard to believe that it's already Tuesday. I feel like my vacation's halfway gone. I feel like the biggest loser ever because I'm wasting it away. Good thing the weather's crappy though. It's my excuse. Really. I didn't bring my Doc's over and the pair of converses I brought over has holes in them. Plus, I hate wet feet and wet shoes. I've already endured a couple years of that. I'm surprised I haven't lost any toes due to frostbite. But yeah... I'm excited for nice weather to come. I feel like the Spring weather has crept up on us quite fast this year. I can't wait.

Speaking of not being able to wait... new cellphone plan tomorrow/later on today? Yes?! I sure hope so. Super stoked! I'm not looking forward to a new number though. Pooooopey once again. I hope I can find a way to keep it.

Eclipse time! Adios. Love you muchos! :-*!

P.S. I've been listening to Snow Patrol all day today. I love them so. This was the first song I heard from them today and it's stuck to me since. Funny how I find that it pertains to Nick so easily... or even Dave. But Nick more since we've shared the same bed before. Hah. Anyways, give this song a listen:

Snow Patrol (Website)
When It's All Over We Still Have to ...
8. One Night is Not Enough

Rain.

It's been raining for about three days. I almost feel unwelcome from Boston, but that doesn't keep from enjoying my time here and my luck!

I haven't gone out since I've gotten back, but it's alright. I've been catching up on my TV shows and reading. As you may remember, I've been reading the Twilight series for quite some time now. I've been reading Eclipse on and off for months and have finally decided to finish it this week. Maybe I'll even get to start on Breaking Dawn, the last book. Along with finally getting in touch with my reading side, I'm about to get onto a new cellphone plan! That means I get to call mobile-to-mobile for free, get a mini texting plan, and have whenever minutes! Also, I get to finally say goodbye to my prepaid plan. To tell you the truth, what I'm really looking forward to is the texting. I've been dying to text without worrying about killing my minutes. It's going to be great.

Coming home, I've realized that I have a lot of clothes. Too much clothes, almost. I've also noticed that my wardrobe has changed dramatically. I never use to own skirts and dresses, but once I realized I didn't, I started buying them. Now I'm practically in love with them. Don't worry. I'm still the same girl I was - a jean lover - but I do have to admit that it's fun to dress up at times.

I've been thinking about something for the past couple days now. You know how I took my first shot last week? (I can't believe it's only been a week.) I've had the urge to drink once again. I'm still the type of person who doesn't drink just to drink, though. I don't think I'll ever be that person. I need to be having fun before I start drinking. Anyways, I do want to drink and maybe even get a little drunk. I'm afraid I'm going to be like Shoko and tip over when I'm drunk though. haha. ...or at least be a really sloppy drunk. Seeing as I get dizzy easily when I'm tipsy, I don't think I'm going to handle being drunk well. I don't plan on pushing my limit though. Next time I'll probably just take two shots max and maybe drink some beer. We'll see... I'm excited for the next party. It's funny that whenever I think about partying, I think about Nemat's parties. I just enjoy them that much. :)

Anyways, it's time for me to read again! I can't wait for the weather to warm up and the rain to stop. Sunny showers will also do. See you later!<3

P.S. It was the St. Patty's Day parade today, but I didn't go out to see it. Pooooopey.

Not quite right.

I'm finally back home in Boston and I'm not completely sure how I feel at the moment. I kind of feel out of place, as if I don't belong here. It worries me how home doesn't feel like home anymore. It makes me confused about my life. I'm not sure where I should go or what I should do. I think it's 'The Bachelor" that's making me feel and think this way. I just caught up on the show and it made me more emotional, think of relationships and really growing up, getting a job, and living on my own. It's scary thinking about it, let alone go through it.

I'm worried about having to pay for college next year. The only reason why I didn't have to pay for anything this year is because of my scholarship. Next year, I won't have it anymore. I feel like it would be wrong to let my parents pay for college. I already somewhat feel bad for leaving my mom due to dorming... but I guess this is just the first step to growing up - moving away from the mother bird and spreading my wings. It won't be all fun and games soon and I'll really have to start taking my education and life more seriously than I currently am. It makes me think about Paul and how he has been so busy recently. It's scary, yet motivational. I just feel like I'm wasting a lot of time doing 'nothing', or hanging out with friends. I mean, I am gaining something out of it - learning more about myself and becoming more open - but still, it's not something that can be put on my resume for future employers to see. It sucks how society runs.

Boy, I think I'm just lovesick. I've been watching 'The Bachelor' for way too long... and now I'm planning to read 'Eclipse'. How smart of me. Anyways, it's late. I'm going to read a page or two before sleeping. Night.

Moving forward.

I'm done trying to get Nick. I've made my feelings quite clear and initiated a lot of things, yet haven't gotten much reassurance back. I feel like if you really like someone, you'd go after him/her. In my case, he isn't, and for that reason, I'm moving on.

On another note, I'm going to be in Boston in a couple hours. I'm excited to go home. Isn't it amazing how you can start it one place and be in a completely different one in a couple hours?

I went to the gym once again. I'm planning to go every Tuesday and Thursday at the very least. I ran a total of 1.25 of a mile today. It was nice even though I didn't run the entire 1.25 miles all at once. I also biked a bit and worked my arms out. It's nice getting back in shape.

Anyways, I'm done for the night. That one hour nap didn't help much. 9:05 tomorrow. Goodnight Amherst. I'll see you in Boston.

Slacker.

I've been slacking so much on my posts. I don't know what's going on with me! Well... actually, I do. I've been being more productive!

I just finished my sociology paper, which is to write a letter to a representative, senator, or basically someone of a higher class. It's due on Friday, but I figured I'd do it today so I wouldn't have to pull a late night tomorrow. In addition to that, I went to the gym on Tuesday! I haven't gone in months and figured I'd start going once again. You know, get back in shape and what not. Just be healthier in general. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I've been thinking about doing something in Biology or Kinesiology lately - something about the human body. I find it interesting to know what's going on in my body. I guess it's something I've always been interested in. I've also always secretly wanted to become a masseuse. haha. Maybe I can sound less sexual if I think of becoming a chiropractor. There's just something about the calm and quiet setting in massage rooms. It's something I'd definitely enjoy doing and being around.

On another note, Spring Break is right around the corner. I have less than two days before I'm back in Boston. I want to do a lot when I'm back, but I'm sure I wont. I really wanted to visit Paul during this break, but he just so happens to have Spring Break at the same time I have it. That's okay though. I'll see him sometime. He's busy with Ultimate Frisbee anyways. And speaking of frisbee, I played today! It was beautiful out and it has been beautiful out for the past couple days. It's been so nice that the thought of bringing home my winter jackets just dawned upon me. I'm really hoping to play frisbee once again tomorrow. It's supposed to be another nice day (not as nice as it was cut out to be though).

Anyways, Myron called me five times today, and out of all of those five calls, I missed. He ended up leaving me a voice mail of the most awkward thing ever. I'm not entirely sure what to do with it. Saying he didn't do anything wrong would just be lying. But the fact that he got the hint that he did something wrong meant that he felt some tension during his stay here, right?

Well, it's time for me to go now. It's getting late and I'm still at the library. I'm excited for my relaxing day tomorrow. I'm happy I got the majority of my work done.

One last thing: I've had this song stuck in my head all day and am finally listening to it now. Give it a try. Ben Harper - Another Lonely Day.

Catch you later. Happy Thursday. :)

Stress.

I hate it. I was so stressed last night. I felt like there was so much for me to do but no time to do it. I ended up finishing my paper at around 1:30am and studying for about an hour or two for sociology; speaking of which I'm quite sure I failed. This all happened due to the crazy weekend I had with Thomas.

Technically, it wasn't even his fault that I didn't study. It was someone else's - someone who I'm not sure I should name. I'm not sure if he's reading this or whatnot, but because it's my blog and I feel safe here, it's Myron. At first, I was okay with him tagging along with my hangout with Luis.I thought it was fine that he ate dinner with my friends and I, but when Thomas came and dinner ended, I saw that he wasn't leaving. He followed us back to the dorm and everything. While hanging out, he suddenly pulls out a "I think I'm just going to sleep here" and a "I think I'm going to start calling Van Meter my second home." That was when he started crossing the line.

First of all, I didn't invite him to sleep over. Secondly, I offered my bed to Thomas and later on found out that he had slept in it. How rude is that? To know that a friend of mine, Thomas, (I guess his too) is coming over to visit and you take the bed he's going to sleep on when you have a bed of your own 15 minutes away? Plus, I was told he didn't really sleep. That's just a dick move. In addition to that, Thomas offered Myron Maddie's bed and he took it once again. Thomas ended up staying up 'til 8am sitting in my fucking chair. I'm sorry for the profanity if it's offending you, but I am completely offended by Myron. By the way, guess what I found out finally after he left on SUNDAY at 4PM - that Thomas had BOUGHT Myron a fucking toothbrush during his stay here. That's just disturbing in all ways in my mind. That basically meant that he planned on staying for the entire weekend, or at least, another fucking night. He just disturbed me so much this past weekend and thinking about it makes me creeped out by my sheets. I can't believe he stayed over, slept in my bed, and took quality time out of the weekend I had with Thomas all without asking.

There was never a time when he asked if he could sleep in my bed or stay over. He was around so much and constantly behind or next to me and Thomas so much that the only time when Thomas and I were really alone was when we walked together to get more food at the dining common. We even had to resort to typing on my netbook instead of talking. He was just always around. ALWAYS. Like a leech you can't get off. I understand that he likes me and all, but this ISN'T the way to go about it. Not the way at all.

I'm sure I have much more to say about him, but I'm pretty much done for the night. This past weekend used up all my energy and didn't provide me with much sleep. Speaking of sleep, Myron's extremely inconsiderate to those that are sleeping. He made tons of noise (I think purposely) to wake us. But yeah... that two hour nap I took at 3 today didn't do the job. I'm still tired.

One last thing for the night - I just wonder whether Nick thinks about Friday... he was somewhat worried about my moodiness yesterday. I was quite the antisocial. He probably doesn't though. I'm wondering if I should move on... or at least try to. Going to Nemat's party has made me realize that he's the type of party guy that I'm interested in - one that likes social parties and not ones that are all about drinking and dancing (crazy ones). We'll see how this ends up.

Goodnight.

1.5

Guess what! Erik, someone I met at the awesome house party a couple weekends ago, texted me telling me they were having another party on Saturday night and I knew I had to go - especially since Thomas was visiting. I told everyone else on the floor about it, but none of them happened to like the party except Maddie, who went home for the weekend. Matt decided to come along, whom I love to death for. Out of all my friends, it was him that came with me and it just meant the world.

Anyways, Chris told me we'd have to pay $5 to get in, but I assumed we wouldn't seeing as we didn't before. And since he didn't go, we googled directions and headed out at 11pm. Once we got to the house, we just walked right in, the guys grabbed a cup, and just got alcohol from the keg. It was as simple as that. I saw Nemat, one of the owners, but I knew he didn't recognize me so I just continued my night moseying around. We met a couple people, talked, and got introduced shortly to the other owner while the guys were playing ruit. After that ended, we went back to the living room and I saw the other owner, sitting on the couch so I took the opportunity to talk and introduce myself to him. Once we were about to shake hands, the flip cup table suddenly topples, sliding all the cups onto the ground. It was kinda neat seeing as we won't forget meeting one another because of that.

Anyways, after hours of being at the party and meeting tons of new, chill, outgoing people, the night really finally begins. Kyle, someone else I met at the last party, arrives. We talk, he plays a couple games of flip cup, and then he asks me to dance. Seeing as Kyle's pretty freakin' hot and has an awesome personality, I say yes. After that, I go back to the kitchen where the flip cup was going on and see that they're all about to take a shot. Once I realize that, I decided that I wanted in. I believe it was Gashawn(?) that poured the Evan Williams for all of us, and since I felt incomplete, I called Kyle over to take one with me. I ended up taking half a shot, and him a whole. I felt bad though, seeing as he was pretty trashed. He looked like he was about to throw up. Yikes. But I'm glad he took one with me. He's awesome.

After that, we met more people, talked, and a couple hours later, people started to leave. I thought the party was ending since it was around 3am, so we decided to leave as well. As we were about to leave, we were somehow distracted. It was a good thing though - a fantastic thing. That's when we finally really talked to Nemat. I believe it was when Kyle wanted to have a dance off that Nemat and I really talked. He made me the judge and whatnot. It was fun. So hot. haha. Anyways, Nemat and I somehow ended up in the hallway and I told him about my whole drinking virginity. I think I had the intention of drinking with him, so once the others got over there, he poured us all shots of Ruskova, and I had my first real shot. It was nice - a great moment. Anyways, after a couple seconds or a minute, I did my hair-flip thing to get my hair out of my face, and realized that I was tipsy. Everything was just wobbling, if you will. haha

It was an interesting experience. I've never been under the influence of anything, but it was fun. What made it all the better was that I was already having fun before drinking. It was just a nice little addition. Plus, I didn't drink any after that. Also, knowing that Nemat knew about my whole drinking thing, or lack of, and how he didn't plan on giving me any more to drink made me so much more comfortable around him. He's really sweet and thoughtful. It was cute how he was worried about me taking a shot. He actually poured me a half shot until I said I wanted a full one. I don't know him much, but I'm pretty sure I have a teeny tiny crush on him... :) He's a good guy.

Wow, this was a really long post. I didn't even explain half of what went on this weekend, just Saturday night. Anyways, I have a paper to fix and a Sociology exam to study for. I haven't done either of them. I'm completely fucked for my exam. Wish me the best of luck. I've had too much fun this weekend. I'll update you on the rest later. <3!

Quick post.

Rewrote English paper, ate, hung out with Raf and Nick, watched movie about pot, showered, darkened drawing. Time to sleep now. 9:05 tomorrow. Goodnight.

By the way, I don't remember if I mentioned this, but Thomas is coming over sometime this weekend! As well as other peoples friends. :)

The Zone.

I'm totally in the zone right now. I want to continue drawing but it's getting too late into the night to. I have to sleep especially since I'm going to get breakfast tomorrow.

Anyways, this post is going to be short due to the time of night right now, but to show you what I've been doing for the past couple hours, here goes nothing! I've decided to document this piece due to the fact that I never draw people.





So... obviously he's not finished yet. I'm just done for the night. How do you think he looks so far? I'm pretty happy about him. By the way, this guy is William Fitzsimmons. He's a musician whose songs I really enjoy. You know, the mellow songs you always find me listening to. I recommend Passion Play (the first song I heard from him), Shattered, Kylie, Afterall, You Still Hurt Me, and basically everything and anything of his.

Maddie's finally asleep right now, which means I should also be sleeping. Goodnight and keep posted for progress!

P.S. This drawing is based off a photograph.

What a relief!

I'm so happy my Sociology paper isn't due today. Even though it's really a one page letter, it's something I actually want to try hard on. I think I've been doing a lot better this semester. I feel like I have everything in my ballpark. I'm always on top of things and usually know when things are due and when I should do them. I've gotten to hang of going to the library and getting work done at a decent time. I'm pretty content right now.

On another note, the weather is gorgeous today! The sun's out, grass is green, everything's just beautiful! What sucks is that I'm sick! I really want to go outside and lay on the grass, but my body is telling me not to risk getting worse since I'm getting better and all. I actually think I'm going to take a nap... and maybe walk around for a bit. We'll see.

It's nice to take a day off.

Productivity.

As I said in my last post, I'm sick. I decided that I needed to get a good nights rest, but knowing me, I don't/can't sleep. Due to that factor, I decided to take some NyQuil. I'm glad I did. I ended up sleeping for ten hours last night and only waking up once in between. It didn't matter though, seeing as I fell right back to sleep. The best thing about my day was knowing that my first class was at 1:25pm. Normally, I'd start my days at 9am because of my 10:10am class, but that was a cyber-class today, and my 11:15 English class was canceled due to private conferences. I woke up a bit before noon and got ready to eat my daily lunch with the gang. After lunch, we headed over to our class and was surprised by the lack of people in it. For some reason, I figured it was just because we were extremely early. It didn't hit me until someone said that class was canceled that my professors wife might've just had a baby. The announcement for class being canceled ended up being on Spark, which just so happens to be a class I don't check regularly, but congrats to them both! Knowing class was canceled was somewhat annoying seeing as that meant I really didn't need to get up at noon, but I'm glad I did since I had to get some work done.

Due to the cancelation of this class, this meant that I had only one class today. This class just so happens to be my late class at 6:30pm. It's a lovely feeling to have a single class in a day when you're really supposed to have four and knowing that that class is at 6:30pm. For some reason, it took a load off my shoulders. I felt relieved with an abundance of time to do work, and sure enough, I did! I revised my English paper, did my Anthropology homework before class, and took my Sociology quiz. I planned on accomplishing these tasks by 9pm and did. I feel amazing. I have hours left to study for my Oceanography exam, which is tomorrow. I just thought I'd get blogging out of the way so I wouldn't have to interrupt my studying for it. With all this said, I'll catch you later. Wish me luck on my exam!

P.S. I'm at the library once again and being productive. I have no intentions of logging onto Facebook today. :)